Blood Moon
by hella whitlock
Summary: It all started with a box of Tampons. Then there was some drama, and then some more drama, and now Human Bella is going to Mexico to meet Maria with a carload of vampires! Where it ends, is anybody's guess. No really, I have no idea. Come along for the ride! JxB. Total crackfic. :D
1. Wat

Blood Moon

A/N: I'm not sorry.

I do believe that I, Bella Swan, had a stalker. Today when I had awoken from a mostly restful sleep - regretfully leaving my dreams of that hot stud from Bio - I had a mysterious package sitting on top of my toilet. In my bathroom, with no windows. In my house, with my Chief of Police father, who keeps everything locked, at all times! I was seriously creeped out, what an invasion of privacy! Did they also hang around my room to leer at me creepily while they maybe, possibly sniffed my panties? Oh my god! My father Charlie had already left for work, he usually left around 6am and I didn't bother rolling out of bed until at least 7:30. It's not like I had to spend hours getting ready, hell I barely even bothered to brush my hair on most days. So it wasn't a matter of having him come look at it and I honestly didn't want to worry him about the fact there was most definitely a prowler loose in Forks.

I quickly did a run through of all the windows and doors. Surprisingly, they were all still locked up tight.

"The fuck?" I grumbled out loud, running my hand through my nappy hair and getting it tangled for a minute. I should probably brush my hair before I left for school. Oh well, God did invent hats, didn't he?

So how did they get inside? Were they still inside?! Holy shit I was going to give myself a fucking aneurism. Maybe I should call my father Charlie, before he comes home and finds my body lying in a pool of my own blood. I mean he is a cop, that's what they do. It wouldn't be like I was some scared kid just calling up Daddy or anything... Sigh. I took the package into my room and sat on the bed, staring at it. Oh! There was a card. That would probably be helpful to read. I should have done that to begin with. My heart was already racing a mile a minute, and the idea of there being a creepy card attached to what could just be an innocent gift was sending my mind into over drive. I mean for all I knew, Charlie left me a present. Although what reason he could have for lavishing his only daughter with gifts beats me! Not literally though because Charlie is great and he doesn't hit me.

The stationary was really nice. It was sort of an ivory color with little flecks of maroon in the paper. Thick too, and the edges were all torn, and it was really soft. Cool. It had Isabella in cursive on it. I wished I could write that nice, my handwriting basically looks like a smashed asshole. The ink was actually maroon, which looked really nice against the off-white color of the stationary. The really fancy kind you see in movies and stuff. Like when Hannibal would write romantic letters for Clarice. He's so romantic... I sniffed the envelope for a second, but no. No bouquet of random scents for me to admire. I opened the card and read it quickly, and then once more but slower because I hadn't really gotten it all the first time. I don't know why I read things so fast, it just takes me more time in the long run. 

Isabella,

Please use these during your next menstrual cycle.

Eternally Yours,  
E.M. 

My next... menstrual cycle? Without further ado I ripped off the wrapping paper on the box, barely noticing that it was kind of classy and thick like the stationary. Who the fuck cares what the paper looked like, what the fuck is in that box!

'Whoever got me my... "menstrual" gift must be rich.' I thought absentmindedly, as I unveiled my present. Finally.

Inside was a giant box, like the kind I had seen at Costco Wholesale, filled entirely with different types of tampons. To say that my face was heating up would be an enormous understatement. My entire body was alight with a strange mix of embarrassment and rage. I wish I knew who the hell E.M. was because I had a lot of shit to say to them at that very moment in time.

Like, like... How fucking dare you?! I stood up and started pacing back and forth in my room. Who the hell would have the audacity to leave me tampons?! Who the hell would even think that I would want to use tampons?! I am a pads girl okay, I don't care if they're like a giant diaper in my pants for the week. I don't want to stick cotton up my twat! That's so unsanitary! It could get stuck! UP THERE. I would have to retrieve it! By myself. I am a virgin okay, what if I popped my cherry with one. Oh my god, humiliating. How would I explain that to my future husband? My phone started beeping crazily. Shit. I had to be at school in ten minutes. I hurriedly brushed my teeth and got dressed for the day. Slapping a hat over my nappy hair, I grabbed my box and headed out the door.


	2. Lifetime Supply of Tampons

Blood Moon

Chapter One

A/N: Teehee.

Arriving at school, I contemplated leaving the box in my car. It was embarrassing, but my anger overrode everything else. I wanted to know who this jack hole was, and I wanted to shower them in tampons. I wanted to sneak into their house and put tampons everywhere. Hanging from the ceiling fan, clogging the toilet, strewn all over the lawn after I dip them in fruit punch. Oh yeah, that jerk ass was gonna get it. I hopped out of the car with my backpack slung over my shoulder and the box in my hands. It was a pretty large box, I could just see over it as I walked on to campus. I was a woman determined. I didn't even stop to gawk at the Cullens like I usually did. That stud muffin from Bio was still probably gone all week. I met up with Angela outside our lockers. I set the box down to put my books away.

"Bella?" She hesitantly asked.  
"What's up Ang?" I replied after I shut my locker. Bending down to pick up the giant box of feminine product. "Oh, the box." I laughed kind of awkwardly. "Some fuck nut left it for me... Inside my bathroom this morning." I was still a bit creeped out that E.M. had been inside my house. I recited the gist of the note to her. "Any idea who E.M. could be?" She shook her head no.  
"I have no idea. The only E names I can think of are Edward Cullen and Eric Yorkie."  
"Damn, I was hoping you would know more people than me. That's all I could think of too."

By the time lunch rolled around, I wasn't any closer to finding out who left me my most thoughtful present in my bathroom. It wasn't any of my friends playing a prank, and I was starting to get seriously nervous. I dropped off the box at our usual lunch table and stood in line to get my food. Glancing back at the table every so often to eyeball the box. It's not like I thought it was going to get up and walk away, but I didn't want anyone taking my only evidence that some psychopath had been in my house when there was no signs of entry. At least, not without a key. Jessica sat down with her lunch just as I came back with my own.  
"Did we start to sync our periods and I didn't notice?" She questioned, gesturing to the box. I laughed,  
"No, dude. Some creeper left that in my bathroom this morning." Her eyes went wide.  
"Someone left you... Tampons?" She had the basic reaction I had. "And they broke into your house with your cop father? Why?" I dug around in my backpack for the note and handed it over to her.  
"Beats me, maybe you can recognize the initials or the handwriting or something." By then everyone else had joined us at the table, waiting patiently to ask what the fuck was up with the jumbo box of feminine hygiene ~unmentionables~. Before I could launch into the general story again, there was a hand on my shoulder. 

"Hi! It's Bella, right?" Everyone froze, staring at the person behind me. I hadn't heard that voice before. I turned around and I knew who it was before she introduced herself. "I'm Alice Cullen. It's nice to meet you!"  
"Uh, yeah. It's nice to meet you too?" I had no idea why she was talking to me, maybe she wanted to borrow a tampon. I had been giving them out all day like party favors.

"I couldn't help but overhear you telling Jessica about how that box magically appeared in your bathroom." She pulled a chair from another table and sat down next to me and Jessica. I don't know what shocked Jess more, the fact that Alice Cullen knew her name or invited herself to sit with us.  
"Close your mouth, Jess." I teased her. She snapped it shut and started eating her salad, but I knew she was zoned in our conversation. "So, do you have any ideas?" I passed her the note that was still next to Jessica.  
"Actually, I already know who it is." She didn't seem to be particularly happy telling me this. She almost looked ashamed. Like maybe because it was one of her adopted siblings.  
"You know who broke into my house? Was it one of your siblings?" I glared over at the table they usually sat at. Emmett smiled and waved, Rosalie smacked him upside the head while she glared at me, Jasper gave me a lofty grin, no Edward-Stick-Up-My-Hot-Stud-Muffin-Ass Cullen. Not surprising, he hadn't been here last week either. I looked back at Alice. She gave me a glum half assed smile.  
"Yes, it was one of my siblings. For lack of a better word, anyway." She paused, as if collecting her thoughts. "I would like to talk to you about it after school, if that's okay?" I shrugged,  
"Yeah, that's fine. I guess. I mean I'd rather know right now, but there's only two periods left. I can last a few more hours." She smiled, and I wanted to say it was a really welcoming friendly smile. It seemed menacing to me. Like she could snap my neck and vanish without anyone realizing what the fuck just happened.  
"Okay! I'll meet you at your truck after school!" And she was gone. The chair replaced and she was already halfway back to her table.  
"How the fuck does she move so fast in those heels?" I wondered aloud.  
"Jesus, Bella. We need to teach you how to walk in high heels." Jessica snorted.  
"Hey, fuck you. Those things are death traps." I hurried ate my food, not having had much time to eat it. Lunch was almost over. 35 minutes is not enough time to enjoy your food and have time to socialize.


	3. OMG!

Blood Moon

Chapter Two

A/N: Lol, okay. So I'm sorry. I may have led you all on. But I'm not sorry about how awful this story is getting hahaha.

The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly. I stopped by the nurses office when school ended to drop off my box. I don't know why I didn't have that idea beforehand. My gym teacher Miss. Harlotsnotgottenhaim, had suggested it. I wasn't going to use them, and now girls would have something besides those awkward pads to choose from. Ugh they were the worst. Would it kill the school to invest in some Always with Wings? You gotta have the wings dude... You just gotta.

As promised, Alice was waiting for me by my truck. She was practically vibrating. You know, like when a Chihuahua is cold. Maybe she was trying to dodge rainfall or something. "Bella!" She grinned when she spotted me approaching. "I was wondering if we could talk at your house? I hadn't expected it to rain." She gestured to her lack of umbrella. Honestly who was she trying to kid? It rained every day in Forks. I've been here for like four days, and even I picked up on what the clouds were putting down. Haha, I'm an idiot. Smiling at my dumb joke I told her to hop on in.

"Where did the box go?" She questioned, putting on her seat belt after gracefully jumping up into the cab. It wasn't that high up for normal people, but Alice was ridiculously short.

"Oh, I pawned it off on the school nurse. I sure as hell wasn't going to use them." Alice laughed awkwardly along with me. I think she was one of those girls who were cool with the period plugs. Whatever.

"So which one of your siblings was it?" I asked, hoping to fill the short ride with anything other than silence.

"I have my suspicions but I'm not a hundred percent sure. I want to see the wrapping paper." She was staring out the window the entire time she talked. I wondered what kind of clues she would get from wrapping paper. When we pulled into my driveway we headed inside immediately. It was really pouring down now, and Alice hadn't waited for me to get out to shelter her with my umbrella. She drifted up towards my room without ever pausing to look where she was going or ask for directions. It was like she had been here before.

I caught up with her in my bedroom, and she was holding the decorative paper to her nose like it were a dainty handkerchief and she were about to sneeze. "Uh, Alice?" She turned towards me, giving me a soft smile.

"Well, I have figured out who E.M. is." She just stood there, holding the paper and staring at me. What was she waiting for? Spit it out, Alice!

"And it is...?" She already let me know it was a sibling, why the dramatics?

"My mother, Esme." My mouth dropped open. Esme Cullen?

"What." It wasn't so much a question as disbelief in general.

"Bella, I don't know how to really explain this." She paused, as if groping for words. It didn't look like she was thinking at all, just staring into space. I waited a few moments, tapping my foot impatiently. For someone who can walk so fast in high heels she sure took forever to think.

"Alice, just tell me. All this suspense is killing me. I already waited all day." I couldn't believe Esme Cullen left me tampons. That was beyond creepy and way overstepping her bounds. I'm not even friends with her children! At this rate, I didn't want to be either.

"Okay, I'll tell you the truth." A small measure of calm washed over me. It felt foreign and unwelcome. I shook it off and waited for Alice to get on with it. She pursed her lips and looked disappointed. "You're the reason Edward hasn't been in school." I was outraged.

"What the hell do I have to do with Edward skipping school? Absolutely nothing! I didn't even talk to him! He just sat there bored out of his mind the whole 45 minutes of Bio!" I exploded on her. "What does that have to do with your Mom getting me tampons?" The shocked expression on Alice's face told me that she hadn't expected me to wig the fuck out on her. 'Well, don't be so rude then Alice.' I sneered in my head. I gestured for her to continue by waving my hand. I crossed my arms and tried to keep myself from yelling at her again. I really wanted to see her explain away me being at fault for Dickward bailing on his education.

"Okay, I think maybe you should sit down on your bed and try to calm down." Alice said, moving away from my bed and towards my closet. My eyes narrowed at her telling me to calm down, but I did as she said anyway. Sitting down sounded nice. I kicked off my shoes and sat cross legged, might as well be as comfortable as I could while she spewed her bullshit. "You have to promise not to interrupt, Bella. If you do we will never get through this, and I know you will want to."

"Fine."

"My brother Edward has a very sensitive nose..."

"No, that's bullshit." I never actually said the words, 'I promise' so I think I'm in the clear. Alice sighed exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of her nose while pacing back and forth in front of my closet.

"Jasper, no!" She stopped moving and faced the window, staring out of it. I turned around to see what the hell was going on and there was Jasper Hale. My bedroom was on the second floor, and Jasper Hale was outside of it. My mouth gaped, I had no words. He opened the window and climbed on in as if he were invited and my name were Clarissa.

"Hi there, Darlin'." He was soaking wet, rain water dripping from his sandy blonde hair and jacket. His boots were leaving a nice splatter of mud on my hardwood floor. I glared at him. He couldn't use his smooth talking southern accent to calm me down. "We are vampires, and Edward believes you are his singer. That means your blood calls to him like none other. He's torn between wanting to fuck you, and wanting to fuck you and suck you dry. You're on your period. We can smell it." He just laid it all out for me, with a lazy grin brightening up his damp features.

Then, I was pretty sure I passed out.


	4. Mr Pricky

Blood Moon

Chapter 4

I was having the strangest experience. I was in the forest going for a hike, which was ridiculous. I mean I loved nature as much as the next person, but hiking seemed like a hobby that would get me killed. I could just see myself tripping and rolling down the mountain like Wylie Coyote. Here I was anyway, chugging along a trail through the woods. My back was really starting to hurt, soon I wasn't so much chugging along as I was hunching over clutching my stomach. Holy cow, the pain was mind numbing. The path I had been strolling along was starting to blur, the trees all merging into one solid mess of colors. Green, brown, more green. When I realized what was happening I opened my eyes. It was just a dream, and I was just having period cramps.

"Fuck."

I rolled over on my stomach burying my face in the pillow and reaching around for my stuffed cactus, Mr. Pricky. Something was wrong, aside from Mr. Pricky being nowhere around. This bed felt way more comfortable and larger than my tiny twin. I pushed myself up off of the bed and sat up, looking at my surroundings. There were royal blue walls with silver wainscoting. All of the furniture was identical. White with silver embellishments and mirrors on all sides. What an absolute bitch of a room to keep clean. There would be finger prints everywhere and I would give up in a week on cleaning them all off. Ugh, the cramping. I was probably in Alice's room. I remember what happened, it felt kind of like a dream. I still didn't really get what was going on. I mean, come on! Vampires? Seriously?! How Gullible did I look? Ugh, which of the three doors was to the bathroom. I took the one near the window, figuring the bathroom had windows.

I was right, and I slammed and locked the door behind me and relieved myself. Glad I was still wearing my own underwear. I needed to change out my shit though. I not so stealthily rummaged around through Alice's shit trying to find girly products of any kind. I kind of wished I had kept one tampon. I was just about to give up and wad toilet paper in my panties when there was a knock on the door. Oh god, what now? I folded some tp and pulled my panties back up, along with the blue plaid pajama pants I was wearing. Which weren't mine. Definitely weren't Alice's either, she's shorter than me and I was drowning in them.

"Bella?" Oh god, my mortification levels are rising to astronomical levels. What did _Jasper_ want?

"Yeah?" I opened the door, seeing how I was done anyway. I gave him a quick look over, and boy he should wear jeans more often. I hunched over a little, holding my stomach. "Ugh, what do you want? Get out of the way I don't feel good." I pushed a hand against his chest and was amazed how buff he was for some high school dude. Or rather, high school vampire dude? He held up my backpack and I snatched it away greedily.

"I figured you might wanted to have your things." He smiled, and I truly believed they were vampires in that moment. It wasn't that I felt like he wanted to eat... well, no. I felt like he wanted to eat me but in an extremely sexual manner, not in the suck your blood and leave you for dead kind of way. Oh my god, I am thinking about Alice Cullen's boyfriend eating me out while I'm on my period, I am a horrible person. Then I laughed, right in Jasper's confused face. Muttering a thanks I slammed the door in his face, and went about my business. Glad I always brought painkillers with me when I was on my rag.

When I emerged from the bathroom sometime later, Jasper was sitting on the bed waiting for me. That wasn't awkward at all. He probably heard all my moping and whining while I just sat there on the toilet for 20 minutes bemoaning all the cake I ate last week and how this was payback from the Gods for not letting my Dad have more than one slice. It wasn't like it was his birthday cake, okay?! I ignored him and hopped back into the bed pulling the covers around me, wishing I had Mr. Pricky to cuddle with.

"I told her to let me tuck you into your own bed, but she wouldn't listen." He obviously meant Alice.

"At least I'm in my own underwear and comfortable clothes." I mumbled into the pillow I was holding against me as a substitute cactus. He laughed, it was deep and throaty and I liked the sound of it.

"You have me to thank for that." He sounded more amused than smug and fishing for compliments.

"Thanks. Can I go home and be miserable in my own less comfortable bed with Mr. Pricky?" Yeah, the meds I took were starting to take effect. I was getting kinda loopy. I rolled over so I could look at Jasper while we talked, but he wasn't even facing me. He turned when he heard me though, and grinned.

"Who's Mr. Pricky?" I noted that he was avoiding the question.

"He's my stuffed cactus, my Dad, Charlie won him for me when I was a kid." I didn't remember it at all, I was really little. "I can't sleep without it." I laughed nervously. Most people would tease me about that, but I sensed Jasper was above that. Because he's a vampire. I reminded myself. Wait, if he's a vampire can he like, _smell_ me right now?

"You're a weird human." I froze in my train of thought and looked up at Jasper. He's calling me weird? I'm not going around telling people I'm a vampire.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You know I'm being pretty cool about all of this. This being kidnapped and undressed without my permission. It's getting dark outside, my Dad is the Chief of Police, in case you forgot. He's going to freak the fuck out when he gets home and I'm gone." I was getting angry, I felt like shit. My cramping was shit, my back fucking hurt, I felt like a smashed asshole. Not to mention the asshole sitting on the edge of the bed dipping it down all fucking annoyingly. I glared at him.

"Hey kitten, put those claws away." I huffed and rolled over so I didn't have to look at him anymore. "I can make you feel good, you know." I bolted into a sitting position. He laughed, "Not like that Bella. Although, if you wanted..." He trailed off, giving me the most intense stare down ever. Uhm, yes. But I would never say it.

"What did you mean then?" We were still staring at each other when I felt it. The cramping just went away. My back didn't hurt anymore. I felt normal. Still a little woozy and shitty, but my pain was gone. "Oh my god, is that you doing that?" I gushed, reaching over and hugging him impulsively. "You are the best, never leave ever!"

"I'll try not to, darlin'." His accent was thick and his voice husky, as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me back. I soon found myself drifting off to sleep...


	5. I Shall Protect Your Virtue Milady!

Blood Moon

A/N: Originally Jasper's P.O.V. was an outtake I posted on my tumblr, but I think it actually adds rather than detracts so I put it in here. (This is out so late because I've been playing Titanfall instead of writing.)

Chapter 5

_Jasper_

Something unexplainable had happened when Bella wrapped her arms around me in appreciation. I wondered if Alice had seen any of this coming? I knew how subjective her visions were, especially when involving humans. If it were important enough for my future Peter would give me a call. Peter Whitlock and I haven't seen eye to eye on many things lately, mostly about who I've chosen as a companion and the lifestyle I was living with her. He was still my brother. My brother by venom, my brother in arms. It had been a decade since I had last seen him, maybe I should invite him and his wife Charlotte up. I knew Rose and Emmett would be excited for their visit. They missed them last time on their tenth honeymoon. First, I better focus on the task at hand. I should bring Bella home. It's what she wants. Didn't anyone bother asking her?

"What the fuck am I doing?" I sighed, picking Bella up in my arms and wrapping a blanket from Alice's bed around her.

"What are you doing?" I hadn't even noticed Alice opening the door. I was losing my touch. My senses were dulled so much on the animal blood diet. No excuse for slacking, though.

"I had thought that would be obvious, Alice." I also thought she would have seen and been up here to drag me away when Bella was in the bathroom.

"Jasper, it's raining!" Alice protested, "She could get sick. At least wait until tomorrow. I already left Charlie a note saying she was spending the night for a sleepover." She had a point, I didn't want her to get sick because I was trying to make her comfortable.

"Okay, Alice. You do know this human stuff better than me." I conceded. I set her back down on the bed and Alice fussed over her, making sure she was covered properly and shooed me out of the room. I had an errand to run anyway. I went hunting first, and then headed back to town.

Arriving at the Swan residence, I realized sneaking in would be near impossible. Not with members of the Quileute's there. I knew that Charlie Swan and Billy Black had been life long best friends, so I wasn't surprised to see him and his son there. It was just a hindrance. They were suspicious of the Cullens, they had legends in place to tell them we were different. Even evil, probably. I headed back to the Cullen house to grab a car and change my clothes. I was soaking wet and Charlie would be suspicious if I showed up wet without a car.

"Bella woke up and asked for you." Emmett said as I rushed in through the back door. I paused to look at him, feeling his mirth.

"Did she really?" I decided that since he was fucking with me, I would fuck with him. I sent him what Bella had been feeling earlier. The back pain, the cramping. It started out slow and soft, then I upped it bit by bit until he was writhing.

"No! Fuck, she didn't. Stop it, you dick!" He cried, clutching his stomach and laying sideways on the couch. His game completely forgotten.

"What, you can't handle a little PMS?" You could hear Rosalie laughing in the garage. I joined in at Emmett's horrified expression. I continued past the living room, up the stairs to my room so I could take a quick shower and change before heading back to her house. I had a cactus to kidnap.

_Bella_

I was having the strangest dream. I knew it was a dream, because I had a guy in my bedroom and we were making out on my twin bed. There were lots of other little things, like my room wasn't so tidy, in actuality it was quite messy and impossible to navigate. I also didn't own any sexy lace underwear that my handsome dream boyfriend was busy with, sliding them down my legs. I had naughty dreams before, so this wasn't anything new. It was different though. I swear I could actually feel the emotions swirling around us as we kissed. If this is what kissing felt like, no wonder kids at school made out all the time. His hands wandering about under my shirt, then discarding it. There were words being spoken but I couldn't hang onto them long enough to hear the meaning, I understood them perfectly. They spoke of love, admiration, lust, affection, I was beholden to this man. We had just finished getting undressed when I felt myself waking up. I struggled with staying in the dream, dude was hot. Every time I tried to reach for him I'd just miss, or he'd move out of the way for some reason. Whomever was shaking me awake sure was persistent though.

"Fuck off." I grumbled grumpily while groaning inaudibly about the hot dude in my dream. The pounding got louder. There was shouting. What the hell was going on out there? I sat up, rubbing my eyes sleepily. Still disoriented. Right, I was at the Cullen Mansion, in Alice's bedroom. I bet Jessica would be dying to know all about her sheer gauzy canopy bed, and very Cruel Intentions bedroom color scheme. It was dark, the sun must've fully set while I was sleeping. There was only soft moonlight illuminating the room. I'm surprised I hadn't woken up sooner, I have to sleep in total blackness. It was then I noticed that someone was in the room with me, standing by the door immobile. I froze, fear taking over every ounce of my being. Goosebumps prickled along my skin, I felt that strange sensation at the back of my neck and a scream froze in my throat. All of this in a manner of milliseconds, and then the door was broken open. Seconds later the window next to the bed shattered and I was alone in the room, with several people hanging out at the doorway. I recognized some of them as the kids from school.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, drifting into the room and surveying the damage. I blinked, still not really sure if I was awake or not.

"Well, I guess so." She sat on the bed next to me, and held out Mr. Pricky. I reached for him with greedy grabby hands and held him to me. He smelled different. Kind of like vanilla and hay. I liked it. "Where did he come from?!" I already knew though, I told Jasper about him before he made me feel all awesome with his Southern Charm. She smiled brightly.

"The same man who's outside fighting for your honor with Edward." Rosalie said from the doorway.

"My honor? Isn't that like, my virtue or something? Are they fighting for the right to deflower me because I'm pretty sure Jasper is the hot one you wanna bang all the time and piss your parents off with and Edward is the pretty guy who you don't really want to date you just want to look at." I was so confused I was rambling, but I couldn't be blamed I had just woken up. Right? Sure, totally dude. Rosalie and Alice just laughed. Never answering my question.

"Jasper wanted to take you home, if you still wanted to go tonight that is. Do you want to wait in his room, it's probably getting pretty chilly in here isn't?" Rosalie gestured to the window, and added "He doesn't have a bed, but I'm sure you can find something to entertain yourself with." I shrugged, jumping off the edge of the bed and staying away from the side where the window broke. There was still glass on the floor and I didn't want to take any chances that they were actually vampires. I am a firm believer in seeing and believing and I also am in denial. Pretty sure.

Rosalie led me down a few hallways and to a wooden door at the end of one of them. Alice had opted to stay behind and clean up the mess in her room, even though Rosalie insisted that she leave it for 'That little bitch, Edward.' Opening the door she left just as quickly, letting me wander around unsupervised. I wondered if Jasper kept a journal...


	6. Is this real life?

Blood Moon

A/N: Someone said they were dying of laughter so I gotta assume the cure is another chapter. I don't want anyone to die D: (In addition to removing over 34 unnecessary commas, I removed 13 'fuck/s/ing'. It was reading way too 'me', so I had to tone it down a bit haha.)

I wasn't expecting Jasper's room to be a literal library. I was expecting... Anything else. I didn't know him that well, but a library? Awesome. He had a corner bedroom with high ceilings, I spied a few sky lights up there. Two of the walls were entirely bookshelves, filled to the brim with books. I walked in and shut the door quietly behind me, taking in my surroundings. Where would I even start exploring? I felt like Belle. I laughed to myself, because I was kind of Belle. I was Bella! I guess that made the Cullens the beasts, since they're vampires. I rolled my eyes, I talk to myself way too much. I walked around the room fingering all the book spines. There were a lot of crime thrillers, war dramas, mostly fiction and historical non-fiction. I don't know what I was expecting, maybe Frankenstein or Dracula. Maybe vampires don't have a sense of humor? Speaking of, where was the coffins? Did literature lie to me?!

When I got up to the second floor, one wall was nothing but the Civil War. Book after book. I expected to find Gone with the Wind in there somewhere, but maybe it wasn't Jasper's style. I'd have to buy it for him and make him read it. Geeze, Bella. A guy is nice to you for all of ten minutes and you want to buy him a book. I need to relax. He has Alice. I'm sure she's already subjected him to the movie. All women no matter what age, love Clarke Gable as Rhett Butler. Shit, now I wanted to watch Gone With The Wind.

I sat down at the desk on the second floor balcony. It not only overlooked the backyard of the Cullen Mansion but it had a fantastic view of Mt. Rainier. I bet the sunset was spectacular. How could you concentrate on reading with all this awe inspiring scenery? Rosalie had said to find something to keep myself busy with... Oh who am I kidding, that's just a way of justifying my snooping. I opened one of the books laying on the desk. It was a... Surprise! Civil War book, "Texas and the Civil War" I wondered if Jasper had a relative who served in the Civil War. My mother was obsessed with World War 2 because her grandfather died overseas. He had a few post it notes on a couple pages, but I couldn't figure out why he marked any of them. Bored, since wartime history wasn't my favorite thing to read about, I closed the book and pushed it aside. Opening and closing the drawers I was looking for something incriminating. Maybe he had a raunchy bodice ripper around here somewhere that I could amuse myself with.

"Jackpot!" I squealed out loud, and pulled out a composition book. It said clearly on the front, 'Journal – 2008'. I pulled it out and noticed he had written in it recently, the last entry being today's date. 'Dare I read?' It was a rhetorical question, self.

_Dearest Mama,_

_Normally I don't have much important to write down in here. If you were still here with me, I'd be asking you for Grandma Whitlock's ring._

"Woah." I did my best Keanu Reeves impression. There was no way I could read something so personal.

_The day you and Pa feared would never come, has arrived. I just wish you were both here to see it. I don't know her very well, but she's it for me. I can only hope that she chooses me as well. I never understood some aspects of this life, Mates being one of them. I figured I was destined to be alone as penance for my sins. Why would someone like me be rewarded?_

I heard a commotion from outside and I peered through the windows and into the moonlit yard below. I couldn't tell who was who, it was too dark for me to see anything, even with the full moon. I could see three blondes, and I assumed one of them to be Jasper. He had that wavy blonde hair, pretty distinctive. There was another man with shorter hair and a woman with long blonde hair. It couldn't be Rosalie, her hair was much shorter. This woman's hair had to go at least to her waist. I squinted as if that helped me see through the darkness. There wasn't anybody else in the yard that I could see. They were quite a bit back from the house. Beyond a garden filled with flowers. I bet that was all the Mother. Some Moms just had green thumbs and shit, not like mine. As if on cue, they all turned their heads up and towards the house. I felt like they were staring directly at me. I waved. The man I wasn't sure about waved back enthusiastically. They started heading back up to the house. Even though I was in my pajamas and feeling a bit like a smashed asshole, I wanted to be there when Jasper got back. If I were honest I just liked being around him.

I headed out of Jasper's 'Room' and made my way downstairs. I had only seen a very small portion of the house so far and as I descended the stairs into the foyer I realized I was pretty fucking hungry. After two flights of stairs and basically being kidnapped I guess I worked up an appetite. I saw the kitchen on the other side of the living room. So far I hadn't run into anyone, and when I entered the kitchen I realized why. It was 2am. I doubted Jasper would want to drive me home this late. I opened the fridge hoping to spy something I could snack on. Except the fridge was empty. The light didn't even come on, which means it probably wasn't even plugged in. Then my mental light came on. They didn't need food because they were fucking vampires who drank blood and they were gonna fucking murder me!

"Bella?" I couldn't move, I think all of the events of the last however many hours have finally caught up to me. "Get Jasper in here!" Oh, yeah. Call in the hot one to restrain me while you all suck me dry.

"I'm hot?" Jasper had joined them in the kitchen, I presume. I think I was about to fucking snap. I twirled around on my toes, making a note to dance with glee later because I didn't fall flat on my face with my shitty pirouette. I pointed an accusatory finger in his direction.

"That is fucking irrelevant!" I was slowly reaching octaves that are bordering on hysteric. "What the fuck is up with your mother giving me tampons! Why didn't you leave me in my own bed? Who was watching me sleep? Who broke down the door and then also the window? It was Jasper wasn't it? And Edward was in Alice's room watching me sleep? Why the fuck was he watching me sleep!?" I had given in to full blown hysteria. I was shaking, crying, and screeching all at once. I was too upset to feel anything else other than confusion and anger. Plus, my cramps were back. Wonderful. I could feel myself relaxing, not quite as angry as I was seconds before.

"Jasper, what would your Mama think if she knew you were manipulating teenage girls?" I glared at him. I wasn't sure it was him affecting my mood, I figured if he could cure my cramps he could influence my feelings too.

"I reckon my Mama would be a tad put off by your incessant usage of Fuck, to lecture me on anything Isabella."

"Well, fuck. Consider me chastised."

"Let's go in the sittin' room where you can get comfortable, and I will answer all of your questions." Without asking, he lifted me into his arms and carried me to the living room. Normally I'd say some shit about how I can walk but I was thoroughly enjoying this. He set me down on the loveseat and sat next to me. I motioned for him to get on with the gettin' on.

"Esme, our Mother for all intents and purposes did not gift you tampons. That was Edward, the reason why Alice told you it was Esme is because it smelled like her. Esme wrapped the gift for Edward. She had no idea what they were, or who it was for. Alice had a reason for taking you here, she hasn't enlightened the rest of us." He made a pointed stare over my head, and I turned to see Alice sitting on the arm of the other couch. I hadn't even noticed her come in because I was too busy staring at Jasper.

"Edward wasn't watching you sleep. He was trying to wake you up out of the little coma I put you in so you could sleep off your pain." He paused for a second, looking at me earnestly. "I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to just spit it out. I'm a blunt man, Isabella." I loved the way he said Isabella. I could practically see his tongue when he got to the Ella. I nodded at him to continue.

"As I've said, we are vampires. Edward is especially attuned to your scent. You are what we would call a Singer. Your blood calls to him. It's especially alluring to him over any other human. When you are on your period it's even worse. He gave you the tampons hopin' you'd use them and he'd be able to get them from your trash and suck the blood out." I was horrified. That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.

"Okay, you can skip the Tampon Tea, I think I get the picture." There was some laughter coming from upstairs. "Yeah, too disgusted to laugh. But thanks."

"You gave all the tampons away, thwarting Edward's plan. So his next step, now that you were so conveniently placed in a spot he could snatch ya up. Was to well snatch ya up. He wasn't counting on me though, that dumb fucker." He chuckled darkly. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what he did to Edward, it sounded sinister.

"He thought he'd just wake you up, tell you you're both soul mates and stroll off into the sunset together. Willingly or unwillingly from the way he describes it. I think the boy has gone off on his rocker." He was shaking his head now as if genuinely sad to see that happening.

"That would be the deflowering part, right?" I was glad I was staring intently at Jasper's face. I would have missed how absolutely still he got while his amber eyes were the only thing that moved even in the slightest, changing color to black. Then he started vibrating. I swear I could feel the emotions rolling off of him in waves. All these furious feelings swirling around the room. I was starting to get angry all over again.

"Major! Get a hold of yourself!" Suddenly there was a man in front of us. He could be the blonde I saw him with outside. He wasn't there a second ago, what the shit.

"Isabella, just stay where you are darlin'." He said to me, when I moved to get up. "My name's Peter Whitlock, I'm Jasper's son." He grinned. He was really handsome, and his eyes were dark burgundy. What a cool shade of brown.

"Dude is like 17, how are you his son?" I crinkled my forehead and tried to think of an explanation that didn't involve time travel. I glanced over at Jasper, his eyes hadn't left me. The emotions had stopped swirling though. He looked like he was struggling with something. It was then I noticed everyone else in the room too. Who I assumed to be Esme and Dr. Cullen, the kids I already knew from school, an unknown female. The girl I had seen from the window, surely.

"Why don't you tell her, Daddy J!"

"For fuck sakes! I'm not yer fuckin' father!" He sucker punched Peter right in the mouth, causing him to fall backwards into the coffee table. And with that, he was out of his trance.

"Is this real life?" I muttered.


	7. No, it's not just fantasy

Blood Moon

"Is it just fantasy?" Emmett sang, and was promptly met with a resounding smack from Rosalie. I swear it could echo if given the proper acoustics.

"No, Emmett! This isn't like that website, we don't break into song in the real world!" She scolded him like he was a dog. It was kind of cute in a 'Hey, I'm half of an annoying cute couple' way.

"Caught in a landslide," Peter joined in laughing as he sat up rubbing his sore jaw, his crimson eyes glimmering with mischief. I was fascinated with the fact that he wasn't knocked out cold from a blow like that. His eyes were really pretty, very vampire. I could believe it, coming from him. He oozed scary but handsome and disarming.

"No escape from reality." I chimed back in, I mean I started this little sing-a-long might as well keep going with it. Just as we were about to collectively sing the next part, a voice called from the patio outside.

"Well isn't this the quaint little family reunion." Heads turned towards the sliding glass door, as a figure stood on the other side of the screen. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who didn't know who it was. "Now that I have your attention, would someone mind opening the door? I can't seem to find all of my fingers." He can't seem to find his fingers? I looked at Jasper expecting an answer, but he just smiled at me wickedly and shrugged,

"Shouldn't have touched what was mine." What a loaded sentence! If he does that to someone who just touches something of his, what would he do to me when he finds out I snooped through his shit?

The woman I had assumed to be Esme went and opened the screen door, and it was then I saw who it was. Edward. I automatically cringed away from his presence, my skin crawling. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end when I saw the look he was giving me. He was basically leering at me, his black eyes were creepy as all hell. I found myself being pulled onto Jasper's lap while he vibrated. I tore my eyes from Edward to Jasper. He wasn't even looking at me, he was staring at Edward intently.

"I wasn't aware that Major Whitlock still played with his food." I had never heard anyone speak with such vehemence before. Chills danced down my spine and I knew the playful mood of the room was gone. Within seconds, I was on the couch alone, with Rosalie standing next to me and the other blonde woman in front of me, crouching down. Jasper was gone, and so was Edward and Peter. They were here a second ago, and now the room felt a lot more empty.

"I suppose it's time to get on with my Coven leader duties, and put the Father hat aside." Dr. Cullen said, taking off his jacket and laying it over the couch. "If you will excuse me ladies, Emmett." He kissed Esme on the lips and brushed her hair from her face. Then he too, was gone when he was once standing right there. I was alone with the women and Emmett.

"So who wants to play Monopoly!" Emmett boomed, making me jump.

"Shit, inside voices Emmett. I think my ears are ringing." I joked, holding my hands over my ears.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I..." His apology was cut off by Alice, who was arriving with grocery bags. She sat them on the couch next to Emmett.

"She was joking. Go make yourself useful and put these away, so Bella can make herself something to eat, she's starving." She then came over and sat next to me on the couch. "You have questions, and we will try to answer what we can. Some things you want to ask will have to wait until Peter and Jasper are finished with Edward." I opened my mouth to ask what the hell that meant and she smiled and kept right on talking. "That's something Jasper will have to fill you in on." I shrugged, fair enough. It's not like she knew what they were doing at that very second anyway.

"So, uh... Vampires?" I asked stupidly. "I mean, you guys aren't eating me. What gives?" I dragged my palm down my face in exasperation. Now I sounded like I wanted them to eat me. "Not that I want you to eat me." I added. I could hear Emmett laughing in the kitchen.

"I know who you want to eat you!" He bellowed. Rosalie smiled at me and walked into the kitchen. I grinned to myself when I heard her smack him. "C'mon Rosie!" Alice just rolled her eyes and answered.

"We are vampires, but not really the traditional kind. We don't drink human blood, we sustain on animal blood. That's why our eyes are amber colored and Peter and Charlotte's are red." She nodded her head to the woman standing beside me. When I looked up at Charlotte who was sitting on the armrest of the loveseat, she gave me a kind smile.

"We only eat criminals." She added.

"Like the ones who get away with it?" I clarified. She nods,

"We like to catch them in the act, if possible. Sometimes we can't, so we do a little research first. So yes, some of them are the ones who get away with it."

"Did Edward really sneak into Alice's room to... what was he planning on doing to me exactly?" If I were honest, that was the scariest part about all of this.

"That's something you're going to have to talk to The Major about." Charlotte answered for Alice.

"The Major?" I felt like every answer was just giving me more questions.

"Jasper was a Major in the confederate army. It became a nickname of sorts after he was changed." Alice filled in for me before adding, "Emmett's finished putting away the groceries. Do you want to get something to eat and go back to bed?" I wasn't tired anymore, all this excitement! Plus, I had slept pretty well earlier. I believe I should invest in a bed with more back support. I've never slept so good.

"I'm starving, not so much tired anymore though. I don't think I could sleep if I tried." Alice and Charlotte exchanged what seemed to be a knowing glance. "Don't you guys have to get ready for your coffins or something?" I gestured to the mantle, it was closing in on three am. I don't know who was laughing harder, Emmett from somewhere upstairs or Peter as he came back in the house missing a shirt and his shoes. He had these impressions on his skin that shined when the light hit it. I didn't realize I was staring at his chest until he flexed for me dramatically.

"Like what you see?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"Um, no." I replied honestly. "Not to be rude or anything, but you got glitter or some shit on you." He smiled ruefully,

"If you think I sparkle now, wait till you see The Major." Nothing about his tone suggested laughter. It was ominous and made me wary. The way they keep saying The Major made me think that it wasn't Jasper they were talking about.

"Okay then... I'm going to go be human and stuff." I strolled on over to the kitchen and perused the shelves and refrigerator. I got busy making myself something to eat while everyone else seemed to gather in the dining room where they talked in hushed voices. Charlotte came in the kitchen and sat on a bar stool at the island counter.

"Family meeting." She clarified. "Me and Peter aren't apart of the Cullen Coven. We have our own, of sorts." I didn't bother asking what she meant by that. It would only lead to more questions. I had enough floating around in my mind already.

"You and Peter seem to know Jasper really well." I hedged, my head snooping around the cupboard.

"I'd reckon me and Peter know Jasper better than anyone else." She confirmed. I turned around and met her vermilion eyes with my muddy brown. She looked curious, as if she wondered where the hell I was going. I wondered that myself all the time.

"What did Edward do to get his fingers ripped off? Jasper told me he touched what was his?" She reached forward and touched my hand with hers briefly. Her fingers were freezing.

"Edward dared to touch Jasper's mate, after expressly being told not to go near her." I nodded along with her, that made sense. I basically read that in his journal. "Do you know about mates yet, Isabella?" I didn't bother to correct her on my name. Her whole southern drawl thing made my name sound really pretty.

"I knew Jasper had one..." I said hesitantly. Not really wanting to admit to one of the people who know him better than anyone else to tell him I was going through his shit. Still a little scared he might break my fingers if he found out. She looked surprised, her eyes darting to the dining room, but no one was at the doorway when I looked. I leaned over and whispered, "I kind of invaded his privacy and read his journal." Charlotte's eyes widened and she let out a little laugh.

"Good lord, he keeps a journal?" She said a little louder than I wanted her to. I shushed her quietly. She just laughed again, shaking her head. "You'll understand later, I imagine." She patted my hand again. "Mates is a basic concept. They are two halves of a whole. Ying and Yang. Never complete until one finds the other. When something tries to threaten that bond, it's instinct to protect you and yours. Edward should have known better, and he's fuckin' lucky he's still alive after touching The Major's intended." And then she strolled out of the room. Weird ass vampires. Sounded like some heavy soul mate kind of shit to me. How romantic but unrealistic. I sighed, and went about making myself a sandwich.


	8. Vampcestry dot com Find out YOUR history

Blood Moon

A/N: Now we get to find out what happened to Edward's fingers. I told him that blender would literally blend everything, but he didn't believe me. There is an actual Blood Moon eclipse tonight, which turns the moon a coppery red color. What better time for an entire chapter in Jasper's point of view?

This chapter is dedicated to GeezerWench and happyghost, because they're awesome and super nice and stuff :)

_Jasper_

I wasn't expectin' anythang to happen while I was gone, so when I got the first call from Alice I figured it was nothin' to be worryin' about. The second call I picked up without hesitation.

"You need to get back here, NOW." Alice said firmly, her voice harsh. Alice's voice was never anything but soft and sweet. It made my dead heart clench in my chest. I took off like a rocket, cactus tucked safely under my arm. I knew what was going on, Alice knew what was going on... But no one else did, and they wouldn't think much of Edward being around Isabella. I knew different. I told him to stay away from her. I gave him an order. It may not seem like much comin' from Jasper Whitlock but he knew Jasper Whitlock didn't issue out any orders. He had heard my thoughts on more than one occasion to suggest that I was not a man to be fucked with or disobeyed. He brought her into this world, and I'll be damned if I was going to let her end up just another victim of his. I would rip his fingers off before I let him touch her.

Arriving back at the house I saw that Alice was waiting for me outside. She took Mr. Pricky from me, not meeting my eyes. I felt for her emotions and she was ashamed, regretful, and guilty.

"Edward is in my room with Bella." I didn't bother sticking around to hear the rest, although her voice trailed after me anyway. "She's still asleep but he's trying to wake her up to get her to leave with him. He heard from my mind that you are mates and he thinks you're trying to steal her away from him." God damn, that boy was as stupid as a stack of shit. When I arrived outside of Alice's bedroom I was a bit surprised to see everyone standing outside the door. Rosalie was trying to talk reason into Edward, knocking on the door repeatedly.

"Why didn't y'all break the door down and kick his sorry ass out already?" I eyed Carlisle up and down. This was his Coven, I knew not to overstep my bounds but I was about to break that damn door down if he didn't do something about his child. I felt around for Isabella's emotional signature, skipping over Edward's because I wanted to refrain from ripping him into pieces. Living with this Coven was a test on my control, and I don't mean my blood lust. Isabella was dreaming, and my blood boiled when I realized it was an erotic dream. Not because she was dreaming of someone other than me. Edward was in there, and vampires have a keen sense of smell. I didn't want him smelling her arousal. I clenched and stretched my fingers out to calm myself.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Isabella is Edward's singer. I think it's noble of him to try to acclimate himself to her scent so that he may pursue a relationship with her."

'Is he fucking serious?' I thought, my mouth hung open because I couldn't believe my ears. I reached out to feel his emotions and he was indulgent, patient, and proud of Edward. Not the least bit concerned for the human on the other side of the door. Who was finally starting to shake off her slumber.

"When I came into this family, you told me about the treaty with the shape shifters. They kept off your land, we kept off of theirs. Anything with red eyes was fair game. I was not to slip up. It would be of dire consequences if I did. I would have to leave the family." Carlisle looked like he was about to interrupt me but Esme put her hand on his arm to restrain him. I pushed out the gratitude I was feeling towards her. She smiled and nodded at me to keep going. Rosalie was still knocking on the door trying to get Edward to open it, but I could feel her pride. My pretend twin was always rooting for me, and I loved her all the more for it.

"Edward made a point to remind me daily since we've been here. Hell, even in the weeks leadin' up to our movin' here. I may not be able to hear his thoughts, but I can feel the hatred towards me, his loathing of himself and what he is, his revulsion at every single one of us but most of all himself because he hears my thoughts of my time with Maria and he feels jealousy. Jealous that he will never be able to be half of the man I am." I cocked my head towards the door, "That man is not as innocent as you think he is." I had kept my voice level the whole time. Meeting eyes with Carlisle and daring him to tell me I'm a liar. There might be a lot of things I'm guilty of, but lyin' aint one of them. He nodded,

"I know that at times in the past, Edward has strayed from this diet but..." Before he could finish trying to justify Edward's past transgressions, I felt something I hope I would never have to feel again coming from my mate. Pure unadulterated terror. I heard her heart skip a beat, that was all the tuggin' I needed darlin'. I didn't have to push Rosalie aside, she was out of the way the second she saw my expression change from frustration to angry as hell. I burst through the door, took a quick glance at Isabella's terrified form on the bed and I crashed into Edward, sending him out the window in a flash of glass shards.

I knew Alice and Rose would take care of Isabella. If there was anyone I trusted more than my own Coven with my mate, it would be those two. And Emmett, of course. I flew out of the window and landed on Edward. I suppose he was trying to put up a fight, it seemed more like the boy was just laying down and taking the beating. I picked him up and threw him away from me again, getting him further and further from the house. Every punch I gave him sent him flying a few hundred feet. We were miles from the house when I stopped my assault on Edward. Now it wasn't because I figured he had taken enough of a beatin' from me to understand I was serious. No, it was because he tried to throw a punch at me and I smelled Isabella's scent all over his hands. If I weren't an honest man I'd claim I was blinded with rage when what I did next came to light 'round civilized folk. Truth was, I was angry as hell. I knew what I was doing and damned if I didn't enjoy every second of it. I grabbed a hold of his wrist and brought his hand to my mouth.

"Jasper, what the fuck are you doing!" Edward wailed in terror. He knew what I was thinkin' about doin'. I remembered the last time I did such a thing and how much I enjoyed it. He must've caught it from my thoughts. I was a little disappointed he knew what was coming but I'm sure I could figure out a way to make it new and exciting for me.

"Edward, do you happen to recall what I told you about staying the fuck away from Isabella Swan." My voice was calm and steady. I was showing him the man he admired so much from my thoughts. The man he should fear instead of revere. His eyes widened in acknowledgment. He knew he was fucked, I could feel the dread and panic taking over all of his other emotions. He nodded frantically, not even bothering to waste his breath on excuses. 'Good, he can save it all for his screaming.' I made a point to think this very loudly before I stuck one of his fingers in my mouth, biting down hard just before the knuckle. I pulled back and spit his index finger in his face. I continued like this until each finger was removed, and his hands resembled Chucky's from Sons of Anarchy. Fingerless stubs. I smiled with satisfaction. I picked up a couple of digits here and there and flung them in the air carelessly in random directions. That should keep him busy for hours.

"I take it you've learned your lesson now? Isabella Swan is my mate. Do not look at her, do not talk to her, do not even think about her. Next time I won't be so lenient." I didn't bother waiting for an answer, I don't think he was much in the mood for conversation anymore. On my way back to the Cullen Mansion I ran into Carlisle. He couldn't meet my eyes and passed right by me to where Edward was. I wondered if my time in Washington was coming to an end.

When I arrived back at the house, I was pleasantly surprised to find Peter and Charlotte waiting for me on the back lawn.

"Major! Long time no see. Can't say I could think of a better time for an impromptu, unannounced, surprise visit!" Peter called out, all grins. I swear that boy was all teeth when he smiled, blinding white and disarming. When I reached them, I pulled Peter in for a manly hug. By manly I mean we actually hugged each other tightly. He was my best friend, and not just because I made him into a vampire and set him free from that life. Not even because he came back and set me free. We just understood each other. We were a lot alike in some ways, and polar opposites in others. I nodded at Charlotte. One thing me and Peter were similar about, was no other man would touch our women. We were fiercely protective of Charlotte, she could hold her own if she needed to. Peter never wanted her to need to, ever again. Now I had a human mate, not quite the same thing as keeping a newborn vampire from fuckin' and bein' fucked by unwanted males. It was a lot more complicated.

"It's good to see you both. You're right though, never was a better time to come visit me than today. I found my mate." Peter just smirked at me. That fuckin' bastard already knew. "How long have you known?" He shrugged,  
"Not long at all. I knew I had to mosey on up here post haste, as you needed assistance with your woman. It was Charlotte here who knew all about Isabella." I was surprised, I looked to Charlotte, and she just smiled at me brightly.

"I don't have a gift, Jasper. What I do have, is a certain set of skills..." Peter interrupted her with his loud guffaws.

"Woman, I knew you liked that movie!" She shrugged sheepishly.

"As I was saying, I do have a certain set of skills. Family is important to me, Jasper. You know that more than anyone." I did, I knew that she was my great-great niece. Charlotte, I mean. Not Isabella. We never told Peter, although I did have a few occasions I wanted to tell him to stop macking on my little girl. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. Fuck.

"Isabella is related to..." I glanced at Peter and back to Charlotte just as quickly. "Somebody." I finished lamely.

"Of course she's related to somebody, she's got parents, doesn't she?" He rolled his eyes at me, putting his arm around Charlotte.

"Perhaps we should just spit it all out in the open, eh Jasper?" Charlotte said, keeping an arm around Peter's waist. I shrugged, not sure on how he'd take knowing he basically married into the Whitlock name and not the other way around. Oh, I should tell him that.

"I'll tell him my half, you can do his." She quickly nodded, smiling. She was excited. Exuberant, if I were to break out my thesaurus. I wondered if I was being selfish, asking her to keep it to herself all of these years. Shit, I was feeling guilty. That wasn't an emotion I felt all that often from myself.

"Peter, you are a Whitlock in every sense of the name." I put my hand on his shoulder to emphasize my words and emotions. I could feel his hesitance and confusion. "You're a Whitlock by Venom, but we both know that isn't enough to get you on my good graces and make ya deservin' of my last name." I had made thousands of vampires. Those that I didn't kill myself died in battle. Except for Peter and Charlotte. "Luckily for you, you married into the family." His jaw dropped and he was momentarily stunned into silence. What a marvelous sight to behold. "My baby sister got married while I was fighting the war. She had several children, one of whom had a baby girl, and that baby girl had a baby girl who she named Charlotte." I went on to clarify. It was confusing as hell.

"I thought your human last name was Schroder." Peter said quietly. He was beginning to come to terms with it, his emotions cycling through and becoming fewer and fewer as he came to his conclusion.

"Human women take the last name of their husband, Peter. I can see why you would get confused." He jerked his head up and scowled at me.

"Shit isn't funny, man." He said gruffly. He was feeling emasculated, what a pussy.

"I didn't just walk Charlotte down the aisle because I thought she was a nice girl." I couldn't help myself, I've had thirty seven years to bite my tongue on my retorts about Charlotte being my kin.

"You knew even then?!" Peter exploded, shoving me away from him. I just laughed, he was being ridiculous.

"No, you idiot." Charlotte said, pulling him towards her into a hug. "We found out like thirty years ago. Jasper said some random thing about missin' his family and Texas, and we thought we would try to track down his family land and buy it for him. Remember?" She asked him gently, running her hands up and down his arms to soothe him. He nodded,

"Jasper said that was the best gift anyone had ever given him."

"It used to be," I started to say, but Charlotte cut me off with a sharp scold.

"Jasper, seriously." I rolled my eyes. "Isabella Swan is the great grand daughter of the woman you were dating when you were still human." Peter whooped and hollered. "She's Jasper's mate, Peter." He stilled his dancing about when he realized what she said.

"Well, ain't this some vampire Maury Povich shit." We all laughed, because really. It was some crazy shit. I caught the silhouette of someone in my room, and smiled. Isabella was spying on us. Peter and Charlotte turned around just in time to see her wave at us. Peter waved back excitedly.

"Hot damn, she don't look a thing like me." He sighed.

"Thank God for that." I said seriously. Charlotte giggled and Peter was mighty offended on the outside, but a little giggling school girl like Charlotte on the inside. I smiled as we headed to the house. I felt good, and it was all because of that human girl I hardly knew.


	9. What the hell was the name of this chap?

Blood Moon ~ Cherry Tootsie Roll Pop

_Carlisle  
_

I zipped out of the house at Vampire speed to catch up with the Whitlock brothers, leaving the women in the absurdly large capable hands of Emmett. Not that I expected anything to happen out here in Forks, but I preferred not to leave my mate or Jasper's human mate alone without protection. They weren't fighters. I had sheltered my Coven from such things as best I could. I'm afraid that may have been the wrong choice. They are so woefully ignorant of Vampire culture. Rosalie and Emmett were the only ones who were interested in Jasper's time with Maria's army. Rosalie especially. She and Jasper were close, probably the closest two in the house outside of mating.

Jasper didn't enjoy talking about his time in the Wars, not because he was ashamed but because he was in hiding. Who would look for him with a Coven of peaceful animal drinkers? I was afraid I was going to lose them both as coven members soon. Where Rosalie goes, Emmett would follow. Alice on the other hand... She might stay on. Especially with the dramatics that have come to light when Isabella Swan moved to Forks to live with the local Chief of Police and unwittingly upended our routine filled existence. She was Edward's singer. If I had any sense of mind at all, I would have sent him away immediately. I believed him though, that boy could play me and Esme like a fiddle.

'But Carlisle,' he would say as he ran a hand through his hair, trying to act the nervous human. 'I am just trying to be a good son. If I can resist this girls blood, it will be proof I am worthy enough to be your son. That animal blood is just as sustainable as human. ' Was I really that easy? Just imply you're my son and compliment my control, choice of diet and I'd be putty in your hands. That's probably what came in handy for Edward, being a mind reader that is. Knowing someone's entire thought process, you could know how to manipulate them. Perhaps it would be a good thing, having Jasper take over disciplining him. Losing his fingers certainty didn't give him pause when running his mouth to his elders. I suppose that fault would lie on me then, I indulged that boy too often. He had no idea that talking that way to Jasper was essentially signing his death warrant. Thankfully, Jasper respected me as I respected him. He wouldn't kill my progeny without just cause. Even if he were offended.

I had a feeling though, that he was more than offended at Edward's actions. Not that anyone thought what he did was anything but deplorable, even for a Vampire. I couldn't help but notice the way he was constantly in physical contact with Isabella, a human. With a heartbeat and a scent that is supposed to be driving Edward completely nuts. Blood lust was something Jasper had struggled with for so long now seemed like a non-issue. Pulling her onto his lap, nuzzling her neck. He never did any of those kinds of intimate things with Alice. They mostly just hand held. I always thought that was strange... Assumed they had just liked their privacy. Now I wondered if I really knew those two at all. They certaintly were not the mated couple I had assumed they were when they first found us.

When I arrived at the clearing in the woods far too close to the Quileute border for my liking, I had no idea if the Pack were around, it had been close to 80 years. The last thing we needed was trouble with the wolves on top of everything else. I wasn't sure what I was looking at when I reached them. Jasper was sitting cross legged in the field, with a dry sobbing Edward in his arms, with Edward's wrapped around his neck in a non-threatening manner. I was expecting something more along the lines of Edward losing his arms, and Jasper's hands around his neck. But this?

"Hey Doc!" Peter Whitlock approached from my right, hands in front of him palms out in the typical non-threatening Vampire greeting. "I'm gonna mosey on back to the house, I reckon it's got more to do with your coven than ours. Don't worry, I'll watch out for the womenfolk!" He tapped on his bare chest and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, then he was gone in a flash. It left me a bit unsettled, his stellar conversation skills aside. I wasn't used to Vampires acting, well, like Vampires. It was probably a sign I should heed. I had spent far too long avoiding the brothers in Italy. If I were honest with myself, which I rarely was around Edward, I missed them. Ever since my Progeny awoke to this life, he's glimmered things about the Volturi and made his own decisions. Regardless if they were factual or not. I let him live in his delusions, which I can now see was a grievous error. I indulged Edward, far too much. It wasn't going to be like that anymore. Jasper looked up when I got closer, his eyes dark and filled with an expression I couldn't quite place.

"Carlisle." His voice was calm, filled with authority. I was speaking to The Major, not Jasper Hale as he was going by now. I had come to realize that I had a very powerful coven member shortly after he joined us with Alice. I knew that my fear of him only made him withdraw further into himself. I sought him out to talk, discussing Vampire ethics I think it was the first time. I wanted to help him though I suppose in hindsight, we both helped each other. He gave me the kind of companionship I wanted when I changed Edward. He was an intelligent man, and we could spend hours talking about anything and nothing all at once.

He hadn't felt welcomed for a decade, I'm ashamed to say. With Edward's constant invasion of privacy, bringing up things he had seen in Jasper's mind. We had come a long way since then, and I trusted him explicitly. He and Alice took care of our finances, our human charade. Jasper loved to play the stock market, and with Alice looking out for our stocks we knew when to pull them before it plummeted. Not that Jasper needed the help, but there was the occasion... I couldn't help but wonder if it was his time to leave. If that's why I was so reflective on the past, my past mistakes. We had never valued Jasper as highly as he should have been. Now we were going to lose him.

"Major." I replied curtly.

"Edward needs to be a Vampire." He just laid it all out. I was at a loss for words. What do I say to this? He is a Vampire. "He needs to drink human blood, he has a gift Carlisle."

"What does his gift have to do with him having to drink human blood?" I just out and asked. With Jasper it was best to be direct, especially so when he's in his mode. He wouldn't scoff at my lack of knowledge like other Vampires might.

"I've never really looked at my gift as a gift, Carlisle. I look at it as if it were a burden. You know Peter has a gift?" He didn't wait for me to answer, he just kept rolling on through. "He doesn't call it a gift, doesn't want the stigma that comes along with it." He was rocking Edward as he spoke, stroking his hair in a very intimate gesture. It was unnerving to watch. These two have never gotten along in the entire time they've been Coven members. They could hardly be found in the same room, let alone on the same couch. On the rare occasion they were in the same room, Edward would start to pick at Jasper's thoughts. Trying to embarrass him, belittle him. He always felt so highly of himself compared to Jasper. I never realized why.

"So he just says, he knows shit. Or he just has really good timing. It's all bullshit though, it's a gift same as mine or Edward's. It takes a toll on him, just like Edward's gift takes a constant toll on him. Peter drinks from a human every two weeks, while his mate Charlotte, only has to drink once a month. I drink every two to three days on animal blood. Everyone else goes once a week. Animal blood is a great alternative source, but not for us." He finished. Not for us who? Vampires in general or just the gifted variety? I was sure I already knew the answer. Those cursed with a gift.

"You were feeling the desire to leave before Isabella Swan arrived in our lives." It wasn't a question, more of a statement. He looked up at me then with a wry grin, confirming my suspicions.

"I've never belonged. I consider you a true friend, Carlisle Cullen. My time with your Coven is up, however. I need to stop neglecting my own." He looked back behind me in the direction of the house. I wondered if he was following the mating pull back to Isabella. I had always wondered if he was the leader of the Whitlock Coven. Everything about The Major had ceased to be after he left the Southern Vampire Wars. Everyone, including the Volturi believed he were dead. If he wasn't, they would want first dibs on his head. He had broken a lot of the Volturi laws.

"What about the Volturi? I can't help but notice how inciting you would be to them now. The Major of the Southern Vampire Wars believed dead after all this time, arising from the ashes with a human for a mate." I waited for him to catch the implication of my last words. He got it almost immediately. He growled out, low and ferocious.

"She's _mine._" You could hear the possessiveness in that word alone. His growling was starting to drag Edward out of his stupor. He had stopped sobbing awhile ago, now he was coming back to himself. Jasper chuckled darkly, pushing Edward unceremoniously off of his lap and standing upright.

"He ain't gonna be pleased." Was all he said. I guess we would be discussing the Volturi at a later time. When Edward finally stood on his own two feet and had his wits about him, he stared at the ground. Unmoving.

"Edward." Jasper scolded, as if he were just being impolite. Edward took a cautious glance up at Jasper, looking away again briefly. I wondered what exactly had happened in the short time before I arrived. It looked like Jasper were lecturing Edward mentally. Something all of the children liked to do on occasion.

"I'm sorry." Edward said so quietly I wasn't sure I had heard him. "I'm sorry for trying to take Isabella from you, when I knew she was yours." He said a bit louder, but still soft. A human wouldn't have been able to hear him. I had no idea that Edward knew. I thought no one knew until yesterday. I wasn't in on a lot of things happening in my Coven, I was coming to realize.

"You are never going to speak of me to anyone, or her. She was never yours. There will be no retribution. If you stay away from her until after she is changed and can take care of herself." Edward just nodded along compliantly. I thought Jasper said he would be upset. "Find the rest of your fingers and leave until my Coven and I are gone." He didn't mention Isabella...

"What about..." Edward started to ask, but was cut off by a deep angry growl from Jasper.

"She is not your concern, child! Leave." He all but hissed at Edward. Luckily for my son he took the hint and took off into the night. He turned to me and nodded after Edward. "Someone should help him, he can't track for shit." I nodded,

"Family meeting when we return?" I implored, trying to sense out his emotions on this whole event.

"That would be wise." He zipped out of my sight. God damn Vampires.

_Jasper_

When I got back to the house, as much as it pained to me to do so, I bypassed the kitchen and went straight to the dining room. Quietly telling the rest of the Cullens to come in here, as there would be a Family Meeting soon. I spoke low so Isabella wouldn't hear and come in. She needn't be apart of this. This was a Vampire issue. Nothing to concern the human, at least not until I made her one of us. We waited patiently for Carlisle to arrive, hopefully without Edward. A little amusement was to be had when Charlotte and Bella were talking in the Kitchen. Okay, so it was a lot of amusement. At my expense. My long kept secret of having a journal was blown to shit.

"I don't know who's more oblivious, Isabella for not realizing she is your mate, or us for not knowing you write in a diary!" Emmett laughed, earning a steely glare from me and a resounding smack from Rosalie. She reached her hand out across the table so we could hi-five. Team work! Carlisle finally arrived, Edward nowhere to be seen. Good. He nodded to me, letting me start. I suppose I was the one with the announcements to make.

"I'm sure as you all know already, Isabella Swan is my mate. She is still human, this cannot be for long. She must be my equal, be able to hold her own beside me. I have untold amounts of enemies. No one knows I'm alive, I expect this to change. I'm leaving the Coven, and going back to my own. I've hidden long enough." Peter whispers from the living room,

"The South will rise again." I laughed, he wasn't even from the south.

"I expect Alice has a way for me and Isabella to vanish from Forks with no suspicion?" She nodded,

"It's going to be a little more elaborate than we are used to, because Charlie Swan is really good at his job. Tomorrow, we are going to stage an accident in the morning two hours away near Seattle. There will be four bodies. Isabella, myself, Jasper and Edward. The car will hit a propane tank and explode. No one else will be injured. It must happen between 7am and 8am, or it won't work. Traffic has to be light." I nodded, perfect. If Alice said that's what would work, that's what we would do.

"Pete?" I heard him reply from the living room.

"On it, boss!" I nodded to Emmett,

"Why don't you help? I know you love this kind of shit." He shot up from his chair leaving it to fall back onto the floor with a loud clang.

"Emmett!" Esme hissed, she always tried so hard to teach that boy manners.

"Sorry, Esme!" He called from the backyard. Already on his way with Peter. He would have made a great soldier. He just may yet, if he decides to come with us. I wondered if Alice knew how this would all turn out? I wanted to ask her, but she turned her head to me and shook her head while giving me a small smile. She didn't know anymore than I did. If she did, I knew she wouldn't tell me unless it were of dire importance. Carlisle nodded,

"Let's get going then. Jasper, how are you going to tell Isabella about all of this?" I wasn't, but thank you for making me second guess myself, Carlisle.

"I was going to change her and tell her when she woke up." I tried to sound casual. I had done this thousands of times before.

"And how well has that worked for you in the past, son?" Carlisle asked smugly. That asshole. I was going to have to level with her and give her the chance to reject me. Fuck it, I was going to change her anyway. She'd thank me later. I hope. 

~*BONUS CONTENT*~

_Unknown P.O.V._

What in tarnation was going on? One second I was cozy on my throne and the next I am outside in the rain being carried way too fast. I was getting wet! I am dry clean only, buddy! As if my captor could feel my irritation at my new found situation, he chuckled low in his throat. Who does this guy think he is? Then, he started talking. To me.

"Don't worry ya lil prick, I'll get ya back to our girl." Dumbass, I'm not a sentient being. I'm just a stuffed cactus. Wait... Did he just misconstrue my name into an insult!? How dare he! I'll show him Pricky, alright! Well, I would. If I could do anything but snark and feel annoyed.

"I need to stop by for a snack first, you don't mind waitin' in this tree do ya?" I'm so glad you asked, NO, I do not want to wait in a tree! It is raining, you're ruining my plush exterior! He vanished right before my eyes. What the shit? I was abducted by aliens! Oh no! I would never see Bella again. She was my best good friend, I don't know what I would do without her. More importantly, what would she do without me? Who would she hug when she's missing her mother? Who will comfort her when she's sick? She's on her moon time, I must be there for her! This is an outrage!

When I was finished with my tirade, the alien came back. Grinning ear to ear, some blood splattered on his shirt. He's a murderer too? My stuffing was going to be strewn all over the universe, wasn't it? Oh dear...

"There you are, little fella. I thought I had lost you." He laughs to himself as if he's just the most hilarious joke teller in all of the lands. And space, I suppose. "You're real easy to talk to, ya know that Mr. Pricky?" He asked, knowing full damn well I couldn't answer him. How frustrating. For me, I mean. "I can't wait until I get back to the house and see my girl. I'm going to give you to her as a surprise. Hopefully my idiot Coven members have stayed the hell away from her. Although I must say I'm looking forward to meticulously removing their fingers if they try. Especially Edward, that stupid little shit." Once again, it's like he sensed how horrified I was feeling and responded.

"Don't you worry about it, little cactus. I'm kind of a fucked up man, but I'll do right by her. I promise. You'll see." I think he was talking about Bella and not some crazy space alien girlfriend of his. He answered his cellphone and almost crushed it in his hands in his haste to tuck me back under his arm. He took off running at a blinding speed.

"Looks like I might get a chance afterall." A chance to wh- oohh.


	10. Why you old such and such!

Blood Moon ~ *gyrates hips wildly*

A/N: yo, no excuses. Hella late man. My apologizes. I love you all. (Also I am thirty now. OMG. O_O )

_Jasper_

We didn't have much time to get Bella out of town, so I just put her to sleep using my gift and entrusted her into the care of Peter and Charlotte. They would be takin' her to my family farm outside of Houston. Major Whitlock would coming out of retirement, and there was a lotta shit I had to do beforehand. First and foremost was getting my mate to a safe location, destroyin' her old life, securing new identification, and attendin' her funeral. Human pretenses were all bullshit, even if it was needed when you lived as publicly as the Cullens tended to do. I would be glad to leave the pretending behind me. It was a nice trial run of my strength and character and I had gotten a new mate out of it, so it wasn't all bad. I was a vampire. Not a child. Watching Peter and his mate drive away with my future was an... uncomfortable sensation. I knew that they were the absolute best Vampires for the job. They would decapitate and ask questions later. If at all.

As far as anyone knew, Isabella Marie Swan was dead. Her backpack would be found near La Push, at the top of cliffs locals love to swan dive off of. Her truck would be at the side of the road, easily found if anyone were to go looking for it. The mystery of what happened to Isabella Swan would be solved quickly. All I had to do was wait...

Bzzz... bzzz... bzzz...

"Jasper, you need to bounce." Emmett's voice barely drifted into my ears. Not only was Emmett being quieter than usual, there was a serious urgency to his voice. Before I could even ask what, he continued. "Volturi. Leave now. Dump your cell. They're already here." The line went dead. Well, fuck. That escalated quickly. At least I wouldn't have to deal with the human pretenses. Just you know, the shit storm that came with any Volturi visit to the United States. I wonder what patriots would think if they knew American Vampires were being ruled by a foreign governing body. I shook my head, I was getting sidetracked. I'd just remind myself to bring it up to Garrett one day. I broke my phone between my fingers and ran off towards my Coven. My mate's growing bond to me leading the way. I ran on auto pilot, leaving my mind free to wander.

Why were the Volturi here? Did it have anything to do with me? Did it have anything to do with my mate?

I growled at the thought. If they were here for me or mine, they were going to regret it.

But who called them? They didn't come here without someone calling them. Carlisle wouldn't, he respected me. He also knew I would kill his entire Coven just to prove a point.

Emmett obviously didn't, which means Rosalie is innocent as well. He wears the pants in that relationship despite what everyone else thinks.

Alice desires to avoid the Volturi almost as much as I do, she'd seek my protection rather than call the Volturi for a problem. Which made me curious as to if she had gotten away or not. My Coven was first, then I would worry about Alice.

Edward or Esme... I couldn't really place the blame on them, then again I couldn't prove their innocence either. Time would have to tell. For now, my focus was Isabella. She had to be changed immediately.

_Peter Whitlock_

I was just crossing the border into California when I had the sudden urge to pull the car over and wait. I turned on my turning signal and pulled over as soon as I was able.

"Peter?" Char asked, her hand reaching out to hold my hand. An image of Jasper flashed through my mind, he was running. My knower always went visual when she touched me. I had a theory on mates being conduits. I shook my head, 'Focus, Pete!'

"Jasper is coming. We need to wait for him. Something has changed." I shrugged, that's all my knower gave me. Feelings, flashes of this and that. How could anyone call this a gift? We sat in relative silence. Relative because Bella snored.

"Do you think I snored as a human, babe?" I asked Char.

"Without a doubt, shug." She replied almost instantly. I was a little wounded she thought I'd be a snoring human.

"Do you think Jasper would let me give her away when they get married?" I was fidgeting with nervousness and excitement. I had family.

"'Ey, Pete. You look creepy as fuck when you smile." Well ain't that just a cowinkidinky!

"Garret, you old such and such, what are you doing here!" I rolled my window down all the way and he leaned in, sniffing cautiously.

"I was on my way to warn an old friend about The Volturi trespassing in the Americas, but if my senses are not failing me, I believe I know why they would risk such an excursion." He leaned in further, voice dropping below a whisper. "Tell me, this human... She reeks of The Major. Is he not dead?" His eyes were earnest, hopeful. Fortunately, I didn't have to betray the trust Jasper had placed in me and Charlotte, all those years ago. He was within hearing range. I just kept on smilin'.

"Garrett, you sure you don't have a gift? You've always seem to have such great timing." He stood up and looked over the car, towards the woods. He grinned, anxious for the arrival of his long lost friend, presumed dead for all these years. I couldn't feel bad about not keeping him in the know, the key to a secret staying secret was secrecy. Garrett knew all about secrecy, having helped this country break away from British control. Everything was going to be fine, I just knew it. With Garrett and Jasper, anyway...

"My 'lil grandbaby is gonna wake up soon." I grinned at Char while she rolled her eyes at me,

"Don't even dare try calling me Grandma." Garrett stiffened, I looked around Char just in time to see Jasper break from the trees and start jogging, now that he can be easily spotted by humans. He reached the car in no time.

"Garrett Hancock, why am I never surprised to see you when the Volturi are around?" He sounded suspicious, but I knew Jasper well enough to know he was just fucking with him. I wish I could see his face though, he was still leaning over the hood of the car.

"Oh yes, because the Volturi shoving their noses in everybody's business is totally more of a shock than The Major having a human mate." He snarked right back. I would have been terrified for him if I couldn't feel Jasper's mirth bubbling below the surface. It was making me giddy.

"Wait, what? The Volturi are here?" I didn't feel anything with my knower. "We should get on the fucking road!" I practically shouted.

"Who the fuck are the Volturi?" A sleepy feminine voice asked from the backseat.

"A bunch of assholes," I answered her, "Now lets get in the fucking car and get the hell out of here." I directed to the two Vampires hanging around outside the car like the fucking Volturi weren't just hanging out or anything.

Charlotte got out and sat in the back seat with Isabella and Garrett, while Jasper replaced her as my navigator in the front seat. He turned towards Isabella and gave her a few comforting words, while he put her back to sleep. They rearranged her so she was lying comfortably across the Vampires sitting in the back. When Jasper turned back to me, he smiled. It was unnerving.

"So Major! Where shall we be escaping to with your adorable little human?" Garrett piped up from the back. Jasper was still smiling at me. I think I knew what he had planned, and I didn't like it, not one bit. I sent him my reluctance. I would never disobey a command, but he hasn't commanded me to do anything in decades. I follow him because I want to, because he is my sire. My friend. But what he's asking now... I looked away to Charlotte. She nodded, she knew what he was going to ask of us and fuck if she didn't always do what Jasper thought was best.

"Mexico." I answered for him, turning the car back on and heading down the highway. I just needed to keep reminding myself that I trusted Jasper, that he has never betrayed me, led me down the wrong path. He gave me Charlotte, when he could have taken her for himself. He gave me and Charlotte freedom, when he should have killed us both. I owe this man, and his future Vampire mate, everything. I wouldn't go back on that now, not after all that we've been through. What really worried me though, was Maria. I had no idea how she would react to her most prized soldier returning with two runaways, a human, and the man responsible for America's freedom. 'What a rag tag group of losers', I chuckled to myself.


	11. Don't put that in your mouth, Garrett

Blood Moon ~ Now with more Maria!

A/N: This is technically still the last chapter, but I didn't want to write a really boring car driving scene although I had tried my hand at it a few times over but it was just so silly, I couldn't do it. Vampires shouldn't play slug bug, okay, they just shouldn't. This isn't that much cracky of a crack fic! This is a serious crack fic! With seriousness!

_Jasper_

It was a long car ride. Too long. I was never going to be in a car with Peter, Garrett and Isabella ever again. The Vampires were bad enough on their own, but with Isabella egging them on... Jesus, never again. I was keeping a tight lid on my emotions, I

"...And that's why I haven't been back to Chicago since." Did I mention Garrett told the most boring stories ever? I don't know why Isabella isn't falling asleep.

"Oh, oh, look!" Isabella pushed past me and leaned towards the window. "That sounds so good can we go!?" She was pointing towards a strip mall we were passing, what could be so interesting in there? Oh. Ohhh. Oh no, please tell me she isn't a little Shopahollic.

"What do you want in a strip mall, Isabella?" She turned to glare at me before settling back in her seat.

"It's Bella, god damn!" She set her steely brown eyes on me. I knew, I just didn't care. I gave her a cheeky grin.

"Sorry, Darlin'" I laid on the accent and kept smiling. She didn't waiver in her glare one bit, but she sure did blush a lot.

"And SUSHI. Let's go! I'm starvin'!" She started bouncing in her seat. She was taking being dead pretty well. Even though she wasn't literally... Yet. I still hadn't exactly told her about that. I needed to, it was important. Even though it's already been implied over and over by everyone else in the car. Stupid assholes. I wanted to be the one to tell her. I was too grumpy, maybe getting out would be nice. I could go kill someone. Peter had already started towards the Sushi place. She had her Great Grand Daddy wrapped around her little finger. I chuckled.

"Buckle the fuck up, G.D." Isabella glared at the back of Peter's head. I hope she didn't wake up like Cyclops or something. Crazy glare powers.

"Whatever, we're already in the parking lot." She huffed, but put her seat belt back on anyway. And everyone thought I would be over protective. Who needs The Major when you have Captain Grandpa. Oh, that was good. I grinned to myself and looked out of the window. I couldn't wait to use that on him. Captain Grandpa, haha.

"What's so funny?" Isabella asked, I just shook my head. She had no idea and I wasn't sure how to tell her that either. When we finally parked she practically ran inside with Garrett. He wanted to try Sushi because they didn't have it when he was a human. He was just gonna throw it up, I don't know why he was bothering.

"I'm going to go keep those two in line." Char giggled, and followed them into the restaurant, leaving me and Peter outside.

"Want a smoke, Jas?" He asked holding out a pack, I glared at him before swiping one and lighting it with my zippo.

"Don't fuckin' call me that." I grumbled. Isabella called me Jas and ONLY Isabella. However now Peter had it in his head that it would be a nice addition to my list of nick names. I liked it coming from her, not him. He would realize it eventually, when we were in a more appropriate setting to rip off his hand. Maybe Isabella would find that amusing.

"So we are in Texas again." His attempt at non-nonchalance was so bad, he was being blatantly obvious. I didn't say anything, I knew he would keep on going if I kept quiet. "Yep, Texas." He ashed his cigarette and leaned his back against the car. "Right along the border, to Mexico." He hedged a bit further. "Ah, Mexico! I sure mi... So why the fuck are we going to Mexico?" I knew he'd cave and ask. He wasn't done asking though, I could still feel the curiosity and questioning undertones to his emotional signature. "Because last I checked Maria was still in Mexico..." There it is! He finally spit it out.

"Is there a point, Captain?" I stood up straighter and turned fully to gaze down at him. "Are you questioning my strategy?" I narrowed my eyes a little, trying to intimidate him. It didn't take much, apparently. He broke like a Cullen. Ha! I'd have to file that one away for future use too! I'm hilarious.

"No, Major. It's just, isn't there anywhere else we can go? Siberia? Fuck. Anywhere but Mexico, with Maria! Shit." He pushed himself away from the car, frustration radiating off of him in bursts.

"Peter, there are some things we should discuss. It should be out in the open before we are in Mexico." Did I just blurt it out in the open, or ease him into it...

"Like what? That we are taking your human mate, my grand baby into the lion's den?" Peter was scared. He was actually worrying.

"Is your "knower" going off?" I asked, emphasizing the 'knower' with hand quotations.

"No, nothing bad. I know Garrett is going to regret some human food choice or another." He shrugged, "So... What is it?"

"When I let you and Charlotte escape, Maria wanted to kill me for insubordination. Defying her orders. Not killing Charlotte, not realizing you were mates, letting you both go without a fight." I stopped, I was getting off track. "She tried to have me killed. She sent twenty newborns after me, along with three men I had trained after you had left. I needed three men to replace ya, Pete." I grinned at him, he really was the best second in command I could have ever asked for. "It wasn't hard to kill them all. I got a few new scars for it, but you know I don't stand for that shit. Every vampire who ever bit me is either dead or marked just like I am." I knew Peter would understand, since I turned both him and Charlotte and they were still alive. Although scarred up as well. "Except you, Charlotte and Maria." He was shocked. I knew the last time he had seen Maria she was still empty of battle scars. She prided herself on being the only female southern warlord, who also had no scars to show for it. She thought it made her more dangerous, I thought it made her look weak.

"I walked back into the camp covered in their venom. No one gave me a second glance when I walked into the house she was fucking some newborn in. I killed the newborn, and then I decapitated Maria. Honestly, it must have been at least a week before I decided what I was actually going to do with her. Long story short, she became nothing more than a figure head. She was Maria, after all. I had no desire to rule anything, but I did like not being under her thumb anymore. She has her fair share of scars now, I've been told."

"When we came back for you to save you from Maria. You were already free? You were there willingly at that point?" He couldn't believe it, he was radiating disbelief and annoyance.

"I was ready to go, Peter. You know I'm thankful that you came back for me. That you cared enough about me to get me out of there. It was hard on my gift, it was too easy to give in. I didn't want to lead... But we fucking thrived under my leadership. We had all of Mexico, part of the lower southern states, and half of South America. We weren't just slaughtering towns and gathering newborns, we were organized, stealthy." I shook my head. He isn't going to care about the empire I built. He's not going to like it. "It was the fighting I was sick of. I made my name, God of War. Then I earned it, with my strategy. My battle plans. Exposure was down, the Volturi didn't bother us for forty years before you came for me."

Garrett chose that moment to come outside, hacking and coughing. Inside Isabella was giggling to Charlotte about how spicy wasabi is.

"Garrett, you're a dumb ass. Even I know how terrible of an idea that is." Peter guffawed. Garrett flipped him off on his way to the dumpsters behind the building, so he could retch in peace presumably. Peter turned his attention back to me, "So what you're saying is... You're the Southern Warlord that everyone's been talking about but that no one's heard from in goin' on sixty five years." I nodded. "Well shit, Jasper! I knew that already. I didn't know about the other stuff. Really, who else could it be?" He laughed, "Do you know they call you Ares? Maria always used to call you that behind your back. I guess she finally got the nickname to stick!"

"Out of all the nicknames I've been given in life, Jazzy and Ares are my least favorite. Why are you so worried about going to Mexico then?" I didn't get it. If he knew Maria wasn't going to be a threat, then what was the big fucking deal.

"Because Charlotte is going to fucking kill her, and I promised Charlotte she would never have to kill another Vampire."

"That's the most bullshit excuse I've ever heard."

"You're right. I've known this whole time and I just wanted you to fucking admit it. It wasn't so bad was it? Now you can somehow muster up the courage to talk to Bella about me being her Grandpa, you being her mate and all that it entails. Including changing her and teaching her how to fight because you got fuckin' enemies." He was grinning at me. He was satisfied.

"You fuckin' set me up... I want to be pissed but I'm just fucking impressed you can still manipulate me with your emotions." A little annoyed too, if I am honest with myself. He shrugged, as if it were nothing. He better not teach anyone else this little trick. I'll have to kill them.

"Do you know if the Volturi are after you?" He asked, genuinely curious. If they were, they would want him too. It's why we split up from each other in the first place. He had Charlotte to think about. I knew he wouldn't leave now though, we both had Isabella to look after. Even though she's human now, she won't be forever. She would need both of us to train her to fight. She would need to be as good as us, better if possible.

"Emmett was the one who told me, he also told me to smash my phone and just run. I can only hope Alice got out as well. Although I don't think I would enjoy having Aro know that I was living with the Cullens, the things Edward has seen in my mind... They directly implicate us."

"What a shitty place to hide, Major." I shrugged.

"Kept us all safe for awhile though, didn't it? And hey, I got myself a pretty little mate out of the deal." Peter slapped me on the back laughing, knowing exactly what I meant. He's said the same exact thing about Charlotte and the Southern Vampire Wars before.

"Who do you think called them?"

"I have no idea. I don't really think any of the Cullens did it. Carlisle, although fond of Aro, absolutely hated everything the Volturi stood for. The only thing they could agree on was that Vampires should keep the secret from humans, and that Immortal Children shouldn't be made. They didn't even agree on the concept of mating. The Denalis wouldn't either. They loathed the Volturi for destroying their sire, centuries before we came around. The hate runs deep." I was truly at a loss, that is if they were even after me. "They might not even be after me, you know?"

"Fat chance of that one, Major!" We both turned towards Garrett, who was currently being strong armed by two Vampires on either side of him.

"Well, shit." Peter said, giving me a sidelong glance.

"Garret, I can't believe you let yourself get captured." I sighed exasperatedly. Laying it on thick for the two unknown Vampires.

"Major?" The one to the right of Garrett asked.

"Shut up, Stephen." The one on the left hissed. This was going to take way too long, I was seriously embarrassed for Garrett, having been caught by these two bozos.

"Yep, that's me. Major Whitlock. The God of War, Super Bad Ass." I said casually, pulling my shirt over my head and making a show of flexing my muscles and battle scars. Peter followed suit, displaying your scars was a sign of dominance. It showed that we were not to be fucked with. It didn't help that I had a reputation of killing you at the first slight and not giving a fuck ever.

"Oh shit." Stephen said, dropping Garrett's arm immediately and turning tail and running.

"Captain." Peter took off after him, grabbing him before he even left our sight.

"We are Maria's." The one on the left said, standing defiantly.

"You should kneel, and display your neck to me in a sign of submission. Or do you have no desire to live?" I stared him down, daring him to continue to disrespect me.

"I kneel to no one but Maria!"

"I have to hand it to Maria, she sure knows how to raise stupid loyal cannon fodder." I said, before stalking over to him, wreching his hand away from Garrett's arm and lead him around to the back of a building. Any dumpster would do at this moment.

"The women, Garrett." I called out to him as I turned the corner to deal with this insolent Vampire.

"It's time we come out of retirement, Captain." I told Peter, when he joined me with Stephen.

"Coolio!" Peter cried, fist pumping his spare hand. I trusted this man with my life?

Another A/N!: I just wanted to thank GeezerWench for making me a seriously awesome banner for this fic! It features the main three stars, and I gotta say, nothing could represent this fanfic better, haha. She's amazing, by the way! GeezerWench is the author to some of my favorite fics, so check her out if you haven't already. You won't regret it!


	12. Captain Grandpa

Blood Moon ~ Captain Grandpa and Major Pricky 

A/N: GeezerWench made me a book cover for my fic! I feel cool as fuck. Thank you again! I also re-wrote the story summery because it really doesn't show you how ridiculous this fic is.

_Peter_

There was a niggling in the back of my mind. A piece of the puzzle that I was missing. Something obvious. I couldn't tell if it was about The Volturi, Maria or the Cullens.

"I still think we should do it before we get to Mexico." I repeated for the umpteenth time. I

didn't care for reasoning or logic. I didn't want one of my only living heirs meeting a bloodthirsty Vampire Warlord while she smelled so fucking delicious.

"Captain, that is one of the most awful plans you've ever come up with. Yech. Just icky." Jasper said, holding up Mr. Pricky next to my face and talking for him with a french accent.

"Jas! He doesn't talk like that, give him back!" Bella said, pulling on Jasper's hair to pull him back to the seat where she tugged Mr. Pricky out of his hands and held it closely to her chest. "Poor Mr. Pricky. Was that mean Vampire mocking you? Yes he was! Muuuahh"

"Ow, that still hurts me darlin'." He whined, laying on the accent thick. She's commented on how hot it was when she thought we couldn't hear her only about twenty times. He knew what he was doing. Fucker. I glared at him in the rear view mirror. He still hadn't told her about it all and it was startin' to piss me off. We were gonna be crossing into Mexico within the hour.

"Why do you call him Captain Grandpa under your breath?" Bella asked, and I had to try my damnedest not to laugh. Kiddo had been rolling with it for awhile now, accepting the fact that she would never see her family or friends again. About time she started calling him out on shit.

"Isabella,"

"It's Bella." She interrupted him. "Only my grandparents called me Isabella, it's annoying stop it!"

"Because I'm a Grandpa, Kiddo!" I decided to save the poor sap, he had no idea about women.

She gasped, "You're like thirty, did you have a kid when you were like 15 or something?"

"I'm wounded! I'm only twenty six!" In human years.

"Are you going to elaborate?" Kiddo sure was persistent today.

"Yeah Captain Grandpa, you gonna elaborate?" Jasper chimed in.

"You shut up!" She yelled at him, I could hear him mutter 'Oh shit, she's pissed' under his breath. She turned her attention back to me, waiting.

"Well, Bella. I'm your Dad's grand father, which makes me your great grand father."

"Crazy Pete?" Bella leaned forward and radiated excitement. Or that was Jasper. Whatever.

"No, I'm the other Peter." I wondered who the Crazy Peter could be. I was the only one in my family when I was still human. There's probably been lots of them since then, every one wanting to name their child after long lost Grandpa Peter!

"There was only one Peter, and he was Crazy Pete!" She insisted, "There's lots of stories about Crazy Pete! I get why you're so weird now, it all makes sense!" She just giggled and slapped her thigh. Well now who else have I seen laugh and slap their thigh... ME!

"I'm not Crazy Pete!" I couldn't even continue to defend myself, because now everyone was laughing. Fucking Jasper. Projecting again. "Char! I'm not!" I was really offended that my woman would believe such a thing. "I'm not Crazy Pete..." I grumbled.

"No! You are! Grandma Marie used to talk about you all of the time! You walked out on her when you went to get a pack of smokes! You didn't even smoke!" Bella clapped, as if she finally figured it all out. "You became a Vampire, that's why you never came back." She nodded and sat back in the car again, seemingly satisfied. "Grandma Marie was really old, though. She died when I was like 5. You're not 26! You're old!"

"So, there a Marie in your human life? Then a Maria?!" Char asked, and I swear if I didn't know that woman inside and out I'd be a little scared. She was just fucking with me. I hope...

"Uh, not that I know of?" I really didn't know. I was one of the blessed ones who didn't remember anything about my human life. "I don't remember anything before waking up in Jasper's arms." I muttered under my breath, 'Enjoy explaining that one, Major.' Fucker thinks he can just put me on the spot and get away with it. I hadn't seen him in almost 40 years, I had a lot of shit to give him over nothing!

"Is this like a David Bowie and Mick Jagger kind of friendship?" Bella asked waggling her eyebrows at me in the rear view. I for once had no idea what the hell she was talking about. "Ew, Crazy Pete with my, uh, friend Jasper." She trailed off, uncomfortable with what exactly to call him.

"Darlin', there are some things I should have probably told you awhile ago." Jasper started talking, "So you know how we faked your death? It's because I'm going to turn you into a Vampire."

"Yeah, I know. It's the mates thing right? Garrett told me all about it." She shrugged, "Jasper is like my dude, or whatever..."

"I don't know whether to be pleased he's missing a hand or regretful..." Jasper said a bit too loud unfortunately.

"Garrett is missing a hand?" She shrieked. Jesus, my ears were ringing. "I thought you said he was going to visit a friend! That he'd catch up with us on the other side of the border!Not that you cut his hand off!" Oh boy, Kiddo sure was pissed off. How pissed would she be if she knew that he ripped it off, not cut it off...

"That's another part of what I've got to tell you, Bella." Good going, Major! That will butter her up. I think the lad is finally learning! "I'm kind of a big deal around these parts..." He hedged.

"Yeah you used to be some budding bad ass Major in the confederate army, so?" Bella was getting impatient with him, and that wouldn't end up well for anyone. He needed to hurry the fuck up. No one could drag shit out like The Major, though never quite like this.

"It was the Calvary, actually." You could hear the pride in his voice. The fact that he was smirking and looking all pleased with himself was kind of annoying. That man suffered from Pride. "When I became a Vampire, I fought in a vastly different kind of war. A war over the same thing, but fought very differently. The woman who changed me, Maria. She was on the same side I was, for slavery. Only difference was, I was fightin' for the confederacy because it's where I was from. I wasn't gonna fight for the fuckin' north. I didn't believe in slavery anymore then than I do now. It's deplorable. But still, I fought in her war. I gained a reputation for being merciless. Darlin', I gotta tell you, I did some real fucked up shit." He was struggling, he didn't want her to hate him. Stupid fuck doesn't know shit about women.

"Basically, Kiddo." I decided to save the poor guy. He just didn't get it, she wasn't going to hate him no matter what he said. Mates were mates for a reason. Each the perfect complimentary half. It's for life, it has to fit together. Each feeding off the other. He'll understand when she's a Vampire too. "Jasper here, is actually known under a few different names. Some of them are heavily believed to be myth in the Vampire world. He was that much of a ba dass."

"I'm a mythological figure?" Jasper dumbly asked. Of course he would ignore my compliment.

"Yeah, they call you the Chupacabra." I dead panned.

"I don't get it." He was too serious for someone who could feel any emotion he wanted to.

"It's a joke, Jas. No one calls you a chalupa. Go on Crazy Grandpa Pete." She patted his arm soothingly, and he calmed down. It was good she already had that effect on him, we might need it where we were going.

"He was known as The Major, no one called him Jasper. I certainly never called him that, not then at least. It's nice being able to now. When we are around other Vampires Kiddo, try to call him Major. It will save us trouble in the long run. Then he was called The God of War for awhile, that was after I left. He'll have to grow some balls and tell you how he earned that one." I chuckled to myself, "That's something I'd love to know." Over throwing Maria? Who wouldn't want to hear all about that? "Recently, like the last twenty years or so rumors have been flying around about Ares the God of War. I can only presume they mean Jasper here. There's a few different stories going around. One is that the Volturi killed him for creating too many newborns against some newborn law they made up on the spot. I bet we all know who thought up that brilliant, realistic story? Then there's the he's in hiding getting ready to over throw the Volturi. That's a personal favorite. I'm quite partial to it. I'll fully back you up if you're going to do that any time in future." I said, along with a nice little cocktail of emotions to emphasis my seriousness.

"Is that it?" Bella asked, expecting more. I'm sure she did, I didn't really give her much in the way of details. I'd leave that up to Jasper. The Major's life was his story to tell. I shrugged,

"I guess so. I haven't heard of any others. Most people don't really know I'm of any relation. They know we were in one of the Vampire Wars because of our scars, but other than that..." She gasped,

"Scars? And wars with an S, as in more than one? How many did you fight in? Jas?" She was looking over his face for any sign of scarring, and I could see her push aside his shirt collar only to gasp a few seconds later. "What the hell made this?" She was tracing her fingers gingerly against the lines around his neck. Oh, Kiddo... Don't ask about those.

"Three wars." His voice was a whisper. I don't think he's ever had anyone touch his neck so tenderly before. Usually it was with force, you know... To rip it off. "Those are the scars I got from when I was decapitated by other Vampires. It was a favorite punishment of Maria's." Speaking of ripping it off, like a band aide. Not so wise to mention it was Maria, however... The boy would learn soon, I hoped. Like before she was a newborn and able to kick his ass to and fro.

"Maria, like the woman we are going to right now?" Bella said between clenched teeth.

"The very same."

"And you expect me to get along with her? Really? What if she tries to eat me?" Bella's voice was bordering on shrill, and I can't say it's something I was enjoying at the moment. I sent Jasper my irritation at the entire situation. This should have been dealt with hours ago, not as we cross the fuckin' border.

"I suspect she will follow orders, 'cause she don't much like getting' beheaded herself." He chuckled darkly, pulling Bella to his side. "No one will touch you, I will personally see to that. When you are made Vampire, we will train you so you wont need protection."

"Why would I need protection? The Volturi?"

"Among others." He shrugged, "Let's not dwell on that now. Maria will not harm you. She knows better."

"Crazy Grandpa Pete is a Captain because?"

"That's actually a really funny story, darlin'." Jasper drawled.

"Jasper, you wouldn't." I warned. "I'll pull this car over right now." 'And kick your fucking ass up and down this desert.' I muttered.

"We don't have time for that, but what we do have time for is the story about how Crazy Pete became Captain Crazy Pete!"

"I hate you so much right now." I griped.

"Be thankful Garrett ran on ahead, Captain." He laughed at me. Laughed! I suppose I should be grateful, even though Garrett is my dumb ass co-star in this story, at least he wasn't the one telling it. Jasper would be much more kind.

"Will you two quit your shit and get on with the story?" Char chimed in from the front seat, she reached her hand behind the seat and Bella gave her a five. She shrugged at me. "Sorry sugar, I love this story."

"This story takes place shortly before we met Garrett. By shortly I mean like ten or fifteen minutes. We were in some port town or another on the east coast, and Peter had gotten it in his mind that he was going to be a pirate, stole himself a boat and everything. Well, he stole a sail boat, and Peter knows shit about sailing. He didn't even make it out of the bay before he sank. The best part is, it was Garrett's boat. Garrett saw Peter taking it and thought he'd have a bit of fun with him, so he swam under water and ripped a hole in the hull, sinking him. It's not like Garrett couldn't just get another boat, and pulling pranks is one of Garrett's favorite pastimes. Peter thought it was the military, so he swam away. It was a few months before he came back to land."

"It was two weeks." I corrected him. Like I would stay underwater for a few months, gross. I wasn't going to eat a fish. I didn't even want to test the possibility of ever having to eat one.

"That's it? I thought it was because Peter might have been in the military or something." Bella couldn't help the disappointment in her voice.

"Well at the time, we were still with Maria. I was already Jasper's second in command so after that it became more of a ranking. Although a mocking one, sometimes. Captain was better than no rank, it made me seem tough. No one knew the truth but us four anyway. And now you." I said, glaring at Jasper in the back seat. I could tell embarrassing stories too. "We are about to cross the border into Mexico." I announced. Mexico didn't care who came in, it was easy to just drive on through. It was coming back that would give us issue. Then Bella would hopefully be a Vampire and able to run across in the middle of the night.

"Garrett went on ahead to inform Maria of the situation with the Volturi, and Isabella. I'm sure he had no problems relaying the information. She has a tendency to attack first and ask questions later. He was covered in my scent though, hopefully she would recognize that and not attack him blindly. I'd hate to have to rip her head off after not seeing her in so long." Jasper laughed. I had a feeling he wouldn't hate it much at all. Why the hell was she even still alive?

"When we get there, is that when you'll turn me into one of you?" She asked tentatively. It wasn't something we had discussed. I assumed so, it was the safest option. It was easier to travel with her as a human, but as a newborn it would be impossible. I hated to think of her growing into her Vampire self in a fucking war camp. That was my great grand baby!

"Yes. As soon as we get settled and I regain control of my men and territories."

"YOUR men and territories?" What the fuck was he talking about.

"I told you I took over for Maria when she tried to kill me for letting you and Charlotte go." Jasper admitted, like he didn't specifically leave that part out earlier.

"You didn't say you were the reigning fucking king!" I had pulled over by then. Bella's stomach was growling and I was sure she'd love to try some authentic Mexican food.

"Well, I'm not currently. I will be soon enough." He said while helping Bella out of the car. I smelled an unfamiliar Vampire.

"Major, one." I announced quietly. It was a crowded place, not the prime area for a meeting with an unknown Vampire. Charlotte flitted to my side, standing beside me. Jasper stood up taller, standing straight and looking every bit the warrior. He slid Bella behind him, and told her to stay close to him.

"If a fight breaks out, Charlotte will take you and run." He added, louder so we both could hear him.

"I'm glad we are out of the car, at least." Charlotte said. "I hate fighting in confined spaces."

"They stopped. They could be waiting for reinforcements. Stay on guard." The Major was on point. I supposed it was a good thing we had taken the time to eat after the Sushi place drama. We were strongest with fresh blood in our systems. I was getting impatient. Waiting was never my strong suit. Patience was not a fucking virtue.

"Maria is coming. I can recognize her emotional signature." He spoke too quietly for Bella to hear. That's probably a good idea. Bella didn't even know that they used to fuck, and that's usually the first thing Maria liked to bring up.

"Major! My Lord of War has returned to me, yes?" Her voice arrived seconds before she did, gracefully walking towards us as if on a fashion runway. Maria sure has changed. She wasn't covered in dirt and blood for one. Her long black hair was loose and curls flowing wildly. At least some things never change. She was wearing a pair of black pants and a white dress shirt. Were those high heels? I don't think I've ever seen her wear shoes. Let alone business apparel. She cleaned up good, for being a crazy bitch.

"He's not yours anymore." Bella spoke out, her voice strong and confident, as she peered out from behind Jasper. He had his arm around her pinning her to his backside, but it didn't keep her still enough. Maria just smiled widely at her, and it fucking unnerved me. I was tensed and ready to pounce on her at the first sign of... Well, anything.

"My, my... The Major has finally found his one and only! Shall we go back to camp and celebrate? You will be turning her soon?" It wasn't so much of a question as it was a statement. Her thick Spanish accent was minimal. Not at all as hard to understand as it used to be. Time really could change a vampire if they were given enough of it.

"Very well. We will follow you." The Major said, hoisting Bella onto his back. He nodded at me to follow. I really hoped we weren't walking into a trap. I trusted him with my life. My mate's life. He would never steer our Coven wrong, or lead his own mate willingly into danger. I sent him that trust, I wanted him to know that I believed he would always do what was best for us. My knower was going fucking nuts. 

A/N: I might be convinced to write Captain Grandpa's Maritime Adventure in more detail.


	13. Pricks

Blood Moon ~ Pricks, Pricks as far as the eye can see.

_Jasper_

We had forgotten Mr. Pricky in the car. Isabella asked or rather she insisted, that we go back. That there was no way she was going to leave everything behind and not keep Mr. Pricky. Maria had asked who Mr. Pricky was, if he wasn't me. Isabella just thought that was hysterical, obviously Peter's terrible influence. Or genes. Both, most like... When she explained to Maria that Mr. Pricky was just a stuffed animal that she held dearly to her, Maria sent one of her men back to retrieve it. She insisted we didn't have time to wait, we must make haste.

We reached the edge of the city just as the sunset waned into a starry night. I always loved the desert skyline, it's why I decided not to relocate when I took over. That and convenience. Maria ushered us into waiting cars. Another thing I wasn't expecting. Maria sure had changed, and I hoped she wouldn't mind the demotion that she must know was coming. We took a couple hour drive away from civilization to the mountains in the south. I was a little impressed at the roll away artificial wall that opened up into an underground garage. I could hear Peter's low whistle from the car behind us. There weren't as many cars as there were parking spaces and the cars that were in the lot weren't that flashy. Maybe it was an employee parking lot?

"Jas." Isabella said my name quietly after we exited the car.

"Yeah?" I gave her my full attention, letting my eyes take her in. Her hair was wild, in a desperate need of brushing and her clothes were rumpled. Other than that she seemed fine. I stretched out my vampire senses and she was healthy, her period was over now. A good thing for a multitude of reasons. I didn't want to have to kill anyone in front of her. I wasn't sure how accepting she would be of my nature. It was a real shame she didn't have a choice now. I don't think she ever did, being from Forks. A place where a Vampire Coven habitually made their home every century or so. A place inhabited by shape shifters who have lived there for thousands of years. Either way she was going to be involved with the supernatural, I was just glad it was the better half.

"When are we going to get a chance to talk, alone?" She implored, her hand entwining with my own. Even as a human, she was seeking comfort from me when she needed it.

"Very soon, Darlin'." I brought them to my lips so I could kiss her fingers, a grin escaping my features at the sight of her blush and the cocktail of emotions that came with it. I could see Maria's sly smile out of the corner of my eye. What was she up to? It didn't seem like anything, so after a quick scan of her emotional signature, I returned my focus to Isabella.

"Come on, I want to get this shit over with." I wasn't looking forward to dealing with a bunch of assholes. Especially when that bunch of assholes would be challenging me at every turn until I assert my authority. Something I didn't want to do in front of Isabella. Not while she was human. I didn't want her to be afraid of me, which would be the natural human reaction to watching someone be dismembered.

"What shit?" She asked when I started leading her away from the car towards the doors leading to inside the compound.

"Isabella, there is a lot of this world you don't know yet, and you will. Eventually. We will talk more later, I promise. About whatever you'd like. For now you have to trust me."

"I do trust you, Jasper. It's everyone else I'm having a hard time trusting." Her eyes were wide and I could tell she was nervous even without my gift. There were quite a lot of Vampires around, I could feel the emotional signatures of at least 30 within my range.

"I won't leave your side until after you are a Vampire, like me. I promise you this, Isabella." This comforted her a little. I imagined it would have made a better impression if she knew what a destructive force I was on the battlefield. This romance shit was not gonna get the better of this country boy, alright!

"And after?" She asked hesitantly. Her emotions were starting to spiral. She was going to have an anxiety attack.

"After you are a vampire," We were still holding hands, so I cupped her hand in between both of mine. Sopping up all her warmth, I was sure. I could feel our connection buzzing around us, and I had to wonder if she could feel it too. Even though she was only human, she had to feel something. What else had brought her here with me? "You will be Mine, and I, Yours." I didn't give her a chance to voice any more doubt, she just wouldn't understand the bond fully until she was changed. Neither would I. My lips met hers and I didn't have time to think about how I was fucking up in the romance department already, by kissing her in an underground parking garage with several casual onlookers.

Because the moment I felt her soft lips against mine, felt her sweet tongue explore my mouth. I was irrevocably changed. There would never be another. Her last name being Swan wasn't lost on me. Swans, like Vampires mate for life. She was my Swan. Her hands had found themselves in my hair, pushing my head closer towards hers and tugging on my hair at the same time. She pulled away first, her face flushed and her emotions were running rampant in the amours category. I growled lowly, vibrating as we embraced.

"Jas, are you purring?" Peter snorted, and muttered under his breath at a level she couldn't hear, 'Vamps don't fuckin' purr.'

"A common misconception. I was in fact, growling." I informed her. All that purring nonsense was ridiculous.

"Major." Maria interrupted quietly, not wanting to ruin the moment. I could sense her hesitancy, she was apologetic. I haven't seen 'er in decades and I suppose she was handling it rather well, considering I showed up with a Human as a mate, a vampire stray, and two runaways. Speaking of, where was Garrett? I released Isabella, and kissed her on the cheek.  
"Let's pass the torch, shall we Major?" She nodded, glancing between Isabella and myself. "I'm sure there are more pressing matters to attend to?" I nodded, she was right. We needed to get this shit out of the way so I could change Isabella. Then I could worry about the Volturi and whatever else is on the horizon.

"Char, keep Isabella near you at all times. You know how volatile Vampires can get." She nodded, and moved to stand next to her.

"Stay close to Char, she will protect you if anything happens." Isabella was feeling extremely worried all of a sudden. "It shouldn't be a problem, I am good at my job." And with that, I turned around and headed towards the doors. I had been kept abreast of what Maria had going on down here over the years, but it had been a decade since I had heard anything last. I assumed that meant things were going smoothly. Which means Maria publicly announcing that I was retaking my position could go bad or fine. No one would believe I am who I say I am, I will probably have to dismember at least one Vampire. We weren't good with change.

I wasn't sure what I was expectin' when I walked through those double doors, but what I saw wasn't it. It was bright like the sun was shinin', the ceiling looked like a blue sky complete with migrating clouds. There was even a stone walkway at my feet, complete with a cactus garden entryway. This shit was straight out of a sci-fi novel.

"Inspires you with awe, doesn't it Major?" Maria was feeling exceptionally pleased with my reaction.

"It's awe inspiring." Isabella chimed in, rolling her eyes. Maria never was one to give a shit for speaking properly in English. Spanish was her native tongue and she preferred it. I understood what she meant, I probably sounded terrible speaking Spanish too... Although the senoritas never seemed to mind.

"Whatever blows up your boat, Isabella." Maria replied, giving Peter a sidelong glance. I had a feeling that time it was on purpose, though.

"YOU TOLD HER?" Peter shouted,

"Oh lord, here they go again." Charlotte sighed, escorting Isabella a good distance away from the Cactus.

"I didn't tell her shit, and you know it." I stared him down, daring him to fight me. It would not look good if my second hand man and I got in a fight in front of all of these strangers.

"Calm down, Captain Whitlock. I had not known it would offend you so. Garrett made it seem like a grand old piano." Maria apologized in her own way. Which meant not apologizing at all and placing the blame on someone else. Good, he and Garrett could tear each other apart for all I care, that wouldn't have anyone questioning my leadership. I could hear Isabella bark out a sharp sounding laugh, and ask Charlotte 'Is she always like this, I love her.' Please, sweet Jesus, do not let those two become friends. Knowin' all the killin' and shit I'd done over the years, I bet now it was going to happen to cosmically spite me. Fuck.

"Garrett?! Of course!" Peter looked like he had solved the puzzle all by himself.

"Major! Peter! Good to see ya chaps, where are the womenfolk?" Garrett said, sauntering up freshly showered. I could use one of those...

"I see you have stopped harassing my employees, Nomad." Maria good humorously jabbed at Garrett, her ruby eyes twinkling. I think she actually liked Garrett.

"I just wanted to express my gratitude for her exceptional work on your hidden whatever this is." He shrugged, "She's not too receptive to compliments, I've realized."

"I could have told you that, Nomad." Maria rolled her fucking eyes at him, and then turned back to Peter. "If you would like to take Garrett to town now, be my guest. Major? Shall we continue on and leave the disruption behind?"

"Lead the way."

"Can I stay and watch them be idiots?" Isabella asked.

"Sure. Come find us when they're done, will you?" I spoke more to Charlotte than Isabella. They both nodded an affirmative, before Isabella turned to Char and asked her where the best place to watch from. 'A great distance.' Char replied, picking up Isabella into her arms and sprinting a good distance away.

"Your office is this way. We do not use security codes, there is no point when you are Vampire." Maria laughs and yep, sounds like a witch still. "As we do not sleep, there is always someone around to catch any unwanted intruders. Still," She pauses at a door labeled SECRUITY. "This is where our Security room is. It has cameras all around the area, the premises, and even the local townships. We want to know everything that goes on. It has been our key to evading the Volturi thus far." She continues walking, "We have top ranking government officials in our pocket, not just for Mexico, but The States, most major countries in Europe. We even have people specifically tasked with keeping track of The Romanians."

"The Romanians?" I hardly thought they were worth watching, but Maria was a few hundred years older than I.

"You wouldn't believe how interested they were in your disappearance, Major. They had hoped to find you, for a time. After a few decades they became bored and moved on. Such is their way, I've read. Anyhow, here we are." She opened a door that had 'The Major' on a plaque. I suppose I would have to ask her about her reading material later.

"A personalized name plate? Really, Maria? I am thankful it doesn't say Mr. Pricky, so thanks." I laughed as I entered the room. I could hear Maria under her breath, 'That could be arranged.'

What I was expecting, it really was not. I stepped into the room and just absorbed what I was seeing. There was a desk, but who cares about a desk? Desks are boring. Behind the desk was a fake window. I knew it was fake because I was a Vampire. I could see that all it was, was a thin screen with a movie playing on it. I had read about these once in a technology magazine, Emmett wanted a wall of it to play video games on. Alice and Esme had wanted to use them in one of the Cullen Mansions as décor. It was too pricy, even for the Cullens. It would cause too much notice to buy something like that, Carlisle had said.

Yet, Maria had it in my office. Maria. Who was too cheap to clothe her newborn army. I suppose Vampires could change. I was about to comment on it, but something else caught my eye. Against one of the walls, was a framed Confederate uniform. It was mine. I knew it was mine, it was stained with my blood. A dark maroon stain from the collar, splaying across the shoulder and down the chest. I thought it was lost forever. Just one of those things you lose track of, when you are lost to your instinct driven newborn year. It seemed surprisingly intact.

"I could not bear to let you wear it, you would have ruined it." Maria commented. "You looked so handsome in uniform, it would have been a shame to let it get destroyed." I remembered how I felt putting that uniform on the first time. I was proud as a Peacock. My Mama rightly told me so, later when I visited on furlough. I had a lot to be proud of...

"Thank you. It means a lot to me, to have this memento from my human life." I couldn't even begin to describe how grateful I was. Luckily for me, I didn't have to put it into words. I sent her a mix of my emotions at that moment, making her smile one of her rare smiles.

"Come, Major. It is time to crown our king."

_Peter_

When the Major went on his way with Maria, I turned my attentions to Garrett. I knew I could take him easily, I had fought in the Southern Vampire Wars, after all! I double checked to see where Char and Bella were. Far fucking away. Good. I charged at Garrett without another thought...

...And he sidestepped me. I saw it too late. I ran full force into the cactus garden.

"HOLY SHIT." Garrett yelled from behind me. I felt a thousand stinging needles piercing my Vampire skin.

"AHH! WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed. This shit fucking hurt! The more I struggled to get free the more needles pierced my skin. "HELP!" I yelled,

"Stop moving!" Garrett instructed. "Get me a sheet of plywood!" He commanded of a random Vampire standing around. I could see that I had an audience now. Fuck.

"What are you going to do with the sheet of plywood?" I grumbled, it hurt to talk. There were needles in my face.

"I saw it on this delightful television program on survival." Garrett stated. "It was for quick sand however..." Oh, wonderful. They finally came back with the plywood. Garrett laid it down next to me, creating a clean path to unsoiled by cactus walkway.

"Now, Peter... You're going to have to trust me."

"That's really asking a lot."

"Now roll over onto the plywood and then the path." Oh god, this was going to hurt. I closed my eyes, and I rolled to the right, where the plywood was. It stung like hell. I feel like a pin cushion. Just call me Pin Cushion Pete. I landed on the plywood, for once not feeling more spikes push their way into my skin. I opened my eyes and slowly got to my feet. My feet, the only part of me that didn't have anything stuck in it. Leather can protect from cactus hell, but my impervious Vampire skin could not?

"Come on, Sug. I'll pull all these lil pricks out for you." Char said, leading me away from the cactus.

"Don't accidentally get his lil prick!" Garrett called after us.

"Garrett, that was too easy. Don't take the easy ones." Bella told him quietly. I could hear her laughing though. Jerks.


	14. M'ask u sumthan'

Blood Moon

A/N: So I took home a prize at the Non-Canon Awards a few months back! I won 'Best Crack Fic'. Tell me that's not super awesome and amazing! (Note the lack of a question mark. Rhetorical question!) I never won a fanfic award before! Other rad authors won in other categories, so congratulations to all! ^_^ You are all the best. Thanks to everyone who voted for me, and most especially thanks to whomever nominated me!

I am adding some flavor to this fic. There are a few new characters showing up in the next few chapters, little mini-tributes to other authors I admire! Hope you enjoy! (I've also given up on apologizing from being super late with updates. I just don't know how to keep a schedule.)

_Isabella_

What the fuck was I doing? I ran away from home with a self proclaimed Vampire Warlord. I was letting one of his Vampire subordinates babysit me like I were a toddler, while my Warlord Man-Friend or whatever he was, did whatever the fuck he was doing with Maria. They better not be doing what Charlotte and Pete like to do when they get alone. Gross. And also, how dare he? I doubted it, but... I was nervous. Anxious, was more like it. My emotions were getting to me. I was sweating profusely, even though I could feel the ice cold air from the AC on my skin. Charlotte had left Peter in the infirmary. She insisted, stating that 'The Major told me to watch her. I will not disobey a direct order.' What's the big deal? It's not like Jasper didn't trust Peter with me. So we left him bitching and moaning about the pain and went to go find some food for the human. Shouldn't be too hard in the basement Old West town. I doubted there was an In n Out anywhere near by. California has some good fast food, let me tell you. For the most part, the Vampires in general didn't seem to be interested in me. There would be an occasional glance, but for the most part no one paid me any mind. I thought I was supposed to smell fucking delicious? And then it happened. As if they could read my mind like Edward.

"Oh god, can you smell her?" A high pitched crackling voice questioned.  
"She would totes be worth the dismemberment, just for a taste." She cooed. I could almost feel them drooling on me, it was disgusting. How could someone talk about drinking blood and make it sound so sexual and filthy? I was going to be gross like them one day soon. Oh gosh. I am getting nauseous. Drinking blood is so nasty.

"Just ignore them, Sug. I don't need the Major around to know they are burning green with envy and jealousy. They were there when we came in, and saw you two together." Charlotte spoke plainly, not even trying to whisper. I had to laugh, the idea of anyone being jealous of me seemed so ridiculous. Especially over a guy. Surely, they could get their own?

"She'll probably die during the transformation anyway, then all that tasty blood will go to waste." Charlotte stopped walking then and we both turned towards the two female Vampires who were being such twats. They wanted me to hear this shit, if they didn't I wouldn't have heard a damn thing. Catty bitches were everywhere I guess. Not something exclusive only to humans.

"I can assure you The Major has a high success rate. No need to worry about her blood, though it was thoughtful of you to think of such a thing, Nicole was it?" Garrett came up and stood with me and Charlotte. He was holding a cute black cat in his arms, who eyed Charlotte warily. I guess it took time for a cat to like a Vampire. They sure liked Garrett though, nuzzling him for pets and shit. I wonder where he even got a cat around here. This place was underground and Vampires don't seem like the pet keeping type. I looked up from the cat to Garrett's usually handsome face. His face now he was not the friendly joker I had come to know the past few weeks. His face was contorted, angry, and he looked fearsome as fuck.

"What's it to you, Nomad? You think you can just clean yourself up a bit, and you can still speak to me as if you belong here? It's still appallingly obvious from your lack of manners that you do not." I swear she just pursed her lips and turned her nose up at Garrett. What an absolute twat. You would think by the way she was talking that she was the one in charge around here, not Maria. Garrett just laughed in her face, jostling the cat with his booming laugh.

"Now listen to me here, Pot. You know how it works when a Vampire brings a human back to change them. Insulting the human is the same as insulting the Vampire, would you like to insult Major Whitlock? I think you lot still refer to him as the 'God of War'." This time the two female Vampires starting laughing, like Garrett just told them the punchline to the worlds funniest joke.

"Nomads are always so gullible!" The loudmouth one he called Nicole said between her high pitched witches wail.

"Yeah, everyone knows that's just a story Maria started to keep other armies at bay when her It's not even a popular one anymore." The two of them continued to cackle together. The cat in Garrett's arms started growling and hissing at the two female Vampires, pawing the air towards them with claws extended.

"Woah there, little kitty." Garrett tried soothing the cat as growled and jumped from his arms to the ground. I wondered if a cat's claws could harm a Vampire. Probably not. That didn't stop me from envisioning the cat scratching their eyes out. That was until the air around the cat started crackling, becoming distorted and fuzzy. The air grew out and what seemed like no time at all there was a naked woman where the cat once sat. A fucking cat transformed into a woman. Has this all been one really weird dream? I'm going to wake up at any moment and be back in Arizona, with the sun shining in my face. I'll hate it, the sun waking me up. I shook myself from my thoughts and back to the 'what in the fuck' was happening before my very human eyes. Charlotte had moved in front of me, crouching low. I had to lean around her to see. She was still taller than me, even crouched.

The woman formerly known as the black cat, was tall. I couldn't say how tall, she didn't tower over Garrett but she did tower over the other two Vampires. She had really long wavy black hair, which I was thankful for as she was completely naked. I saw her butt and the swell of some breast before Garrett moved up behind her and gripped her upper arms to keep her from flying at them, thankfully obscuring my view of the nude cat lady. They were arguing at volumes I couldn't hear. That was no fun for me. I whispered to Charlotte,

"Char? What are they saying?"

"Stuff The Major probably wouldn't want you to hear right now." She gave me a wry smile.

"So lame. Who is the Cat Lady?" I asked instead, maybe that was something I was allowed to know.

"I thought she was just a nice kitty." Garrett said to me over his shoulder, still keeping a firm grip on the mystery woman. Something about his saucy grin and the waggle of his brow made me think he was talking about two things at once.

"She wasn't here when we were here last." Was all Charlotte would say. Would no one ever tell me anything? I grumped about it.

"I don't know why he's bothering holding her back, he should let her kick their stupid ass faces." I was getting worked up from all the drama, and just basically the last few weeks being a non-stop adventure were starting to get to me. I also get bitchy when I'm hungry, but who doesn't? Those Snickers commercials hit the nail on the head with that one!

"That's not why he's holding her back. Garrett isn't as much as a gentlemen as he pretends to be when he's around you." Her voice was laced with mirth. Garrett had the hots for the Cat Lady. Good to know. I kind of had been thinking him and Peter had a thing going on but I guess that was just a bromance that spans the centuries, so they argue like a married couple because they've known each other for decades.

"This is pointless. Ex Tempore Silento!" The raven haired nudist exclaimed, waving her hand in front of herself, towards the two bitchy vamps. Nicole started opening her mouth wide and shaking her arms wildly, but no sound came out. By then we had garnered quite a crowd, and at this there were cheers from many, a few booing from others. I guess they weren't as popular as they were trying to portray. Surprising. The two women ran off, probably to pass notes back and forth since they could no longer talk. She turned around then, and I had to avert my eyes. I wasn't about to stare at a naked person.

"Garrett, would you be a gentlemen and loan me your shirt?" Her green eyes were sparkling with mischief. Green eyes? Was she not a Vampire?

"I, uh. Yeah, sure." He ripped his shirt off before he even finished stumbling through his words. This was pretty cute, I wish Peter was here for it. I'd be sure to let him know about later. Watching him and Garrett fight and argue is a great source of entertainment. Before she pulled his shirt over her head, she winked towards me and Charlotte. I wasn't sure who she was intending the wink for. If Garrett had seen I was pretty damn sure he would be jealous. He was obviously smitten. I couldn't help but wonder why Peter wasn't here yet, enjoying Garrett's awkward fumbling with us.

She ran a hand down his chest, black stiletto nails gliding along his skin and I swear I could hear her purr from here, "Thank you, Garrett." She left then, leaving Garrett standing there all baffled and befuddled. Stopping in front of Charlotte and me still behind her, she spoke again, "If anyone bothers you again, tell them I'll claw their eyes out." She giggled, making a clawing motion with her hand. "My name is Freyja. I hope we will be able to talk more later, under better circumstances." She grinned then, a magical twinkle lighting up her eyes from within. "That goes for all of the Whitlocks, of course." She nodded to Charlotte. "I have heard many stories of your ilk, I would love to meet everyone." Then she was gone, walking with purposeful strides the same direction the two vampbitches went. Garrett watched her walk away with dazed eyes.

"What a woman..." Me and Charlotte started laughing.

"There's my little woman!" Peter called out cheerfully, jogging up to us and embracing Charlotte in a hug and then swinging her around in a circle. She laughed and pretended like he was embarrassing her, but she kissed him back anyway. They were so adorable.

"Awww. I don't know what's cuter, Peter with Charlotte, or Garrett making moony eyes at Freyja." That got their attention. They both asked 'What' at the exact same time.

"Garrett was making moon pies?" Peter asked tearing himself away from Charlotte's mouth much to her annoyance, sounding awfully jealous. I could almost hear him saying, 'without me?' but I think that was my imagination.

"And they were the best moon pies ever." I was suddenly reminded that I was hungry, talking about food usually did it for me. "Actually there were no moon pies, so I'm still starving. Where's the food?"

"What the hell was she talking about then?" Peter grumbled to himself, as Garrett took my arm.

"Allow me to lead the way, little lady." Garrett drawled in an awful southern accent. "I put Mr. Pricky in your room for you. I mean, the stuffed cactus, not Peter."

"Ha-ha, ya fucking douche." Peter drawled.

"There you are, my lady. The Grand Hotel is that building there." Garrett stopped across from The Grand Hotel on the wood planked street that made up the sidewalk. I appreciated the touch, it looked really cool. Right next to the hotel was a brothel.

"Woah, woah, woah. The Grand Hotel? The Oriental? Let me guess, there's an O.K. Corral somewhere around here too, isn't there?!" Peter clapped excitedly... And off he went. I saw a blur pass by me and then heard a shout from a short distance away. "Yahoooooo!"

"Peter just found out that this particular base of Maria's is Tombstone themed." Garrett commented, amusement lighting his voice.

"She has more than one?" I asked, looking around. I guess I was missing the references, it looked like any other old western town to me.

"Sure, when you're hiding from the self imposed Vampire Government, it helps to be overly cautious."

"Garrett!" Charlotte hissed at him.

"What? She'd find out eventually." He shrugged as we walked up the Hotel's steps.

"She, is right here, you know." I rolled my eyes. Vampires totally don't even notice they're doing it anymore.

"You sure are, sweet pea." Garrett grinned, ruffling my hair up with his hand.

"Garrett! Back again so soon? And you brought Charlotte! I haven't seen you in too long, my friend." She embraced Charlotte and they made an elaborate show of kissing each others cheeks. "And this enchanting human must be Isabella, you must be famished, anything you want is on the house!" Well it was unexpected to have a Vampire offer me food. I always had to keep reminding everyone.

"Bella." I replied automatically. I found through out my life that it was best to nip that in the bud right away or they would assume you didn't have a preference after all.

"Bella it is then." She smiled warmly at me and it was then that I allowed myself to take in her appearance. She was dressed as if she was straight out of the Wild West. Her dark brown hair was done up in an elaborate up do I couldn't even begin to explain. There were braids and peacock feathers. It was very Scarlett O'Hara and I loved it. Her dress was a dark turquoise satin, the bodice, neck line, cuffs and hem were all embroidered with a fine black lace.

"Wow, you guys really go for the authentic feel around here." Peter exclaimed, entering behind us and wrapping a spare arm around Char.

"I was just thinking the same thing, her dress is so cool!" I gushed, "I feel like I'm on vacation. Except it's not hot as fuck and this place has AC."

"Why I'll be a monkey's uncle! Nana!" Peter squeezed in between me and Charlotte to get to her, embracing her in a firm hug. "I have thought about you often over the years, you know." This was a sensitive side to Peter I hadn't realized he were capable of. "Have you been here this whole time?" He sounded almost regretful.

"I've thought of the three of you often over the years as well. I left not too long after Jasper left. There was no point in staying around on a sinking ship, although I suppose she did just fine without us." She smiled then, a very toothy grin showing off fangs. Something that was stereotypical of Vampires to have, but I have found that real vampires, do not. "I actually went in search of my sisters, to see if they were still living." Peter rose a skeptical brow at this,

"You were with Maria long before Jas and I ended up with her." It was a statement, not a question. He was trying to kindly say they were probably dead, since they were with Maria for around a century themselves.

"Peter, we have much to catch up on. For now, we should feed Bella. Shall we take a seat in the dining hall?" A polite Vampire – with fangs, who noticed the human in the room. I liked Nana already.

"Yes please! I'm starving. I could eat an entire cow. Maybe. Probably not." I shrugged, I remembered too late about the last time I said I was hungry enough to eat a horse. Peter got me a Horse. Then he went on and on about how I was looking a gift horse in the mouth when I refused to eat it. It was funny, but Peter could be real annoying sometimes.

She led the way into the dining hall, and it was beautiful. All of the tables had wihte lacy tablecloths on them. The chairs were all carved out of wood, high backs and deep red cushioned seats. There were two windows in the room, with curtains much like the tablecloths, but without the white cloth backing it. The windows didn't let in much light at all, so it was a good thing there was a lot of light from the mini chandeliers hanging over each table. I plopped down at an empty table, in a chair near the window. I liked to people watch while I eat. I've noticed that Vampires were pretty grossed out by human food in general, the smell, the texture, the way it looks half chewed in my mouth when they keep trying to bring me into the conversation...

"I'll stay with Bella, while you two catch up. The Major told me to watch her, and I can't help but take him seriously when we are in a place like this." Charlotte spoke, sitting down next to me and picking up a menu and handing it to me. I wasn't sure exactly what Charlotte meant by 'A place like this.'

"In time you will realize that this is not the same place you left behind. That Maria, has changed. The Southern Vampire Wars, those days are over." Nana squeezed Charlotte's shoulder comfortingly. Char in turn smiled back up at her, her first real smile since we got here.

"Thanks Nana. Does Jasper know you're here?"

"He does not, I will see him later I suppose. When he is not so busy regaining his reign over The South." With that her and Peter left, talking quietly about whatever.

"How long has it been since you and Peter were here?" I asked quietly, while looking over the menu.

"Pretty close to a full century, give or take a few years. We didn't really have calendars back then. We got out around 1880, came back for Jasper after the turn of the century. I couldn't say when we got there, I was abducted from my farmhouse a few months after America became a country." I just realized something. These Vampires were fucking old. I focused on my menu then. Some of the food on here looked like something Vampires thought up because they thought it looked good. I specifically meant the steak, cooked rare, with a gummy bear puree on it. What the fuck? I skimmed past a few other weird items, like the Ice Cream Milkshake, made with real melted Ice Cream. This looks like something Vampires haven't tinkered with, build your own sub sandwich. When I decided what I wanted, Charlotte waved down a waiter for me. I placed my order and asked if they had chips or french fries or something to go with it. Nope. Of course they didn't. I could really go for some Doritos...

Staring out of the window, I saw Freyja and Garrett talking with Peter and Nana. I wondered what they were talking about. I was getting really nosy. It didn't help that it always seemed like they were keeping secrets from me. That only made my curiosity worse. Garrett put his arm around Freyja, who was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a black T-Shirt with something on it, I couldn't make it out from here. Garrett ended up on the floor, with Freyja's combat booted foot on his chest. I couldn't help but laugh.

"He was suggesting he didn't need his own lodging. He could stay with Freyja. She didn't take kindly to the insinuation, as you can see." Charlotte filled in the pieces I was missing without Vampire hearing.

"Something tells me Garrett isn't as smooth as he thinks he is." I concluded, thanking the waiter when my food arrived. At least this place had fast service. While I ate, Charlotte told me funny stories about Peter and Garrett. I finally got the whole boat story!

"Garrett claims to have thrown the first crate of tea into the Boston Harbor, I can't tell you if that's true or not but I can tell you he did try his best to recreate that event in the Gulf of Mexico. Maria and Jasper had just left to retrieve more recruits. We had just taken over a new territory and we needed to train reinforcements to cover those we had lost. Garrett came by for a visit, as he often did over the years. He was never a member of Maria's army, but Garrett was drawn to war, as those of us who were born into it are. He helped out for a time, but he had the leisure of leaving. Maria barely tolerated his presence, but Nana adored Garrett, so that canceled that out. Anyway, so Garrett comes running up to camp and tells Peter he had stolen a pirate ship. So they get all excited about it and tear off into the desert towards the ocean. By the time I caught up to them they were already climbing the main sail and swinging around on ropes like idiots. I'm not sure exactly how they managed it, I stayed on shore because Garrett did not have a good track record with boats. They were under deck rummaging through boxes, and I hear Garrett screaming about tea. The next thing I know, they are leaping from the boat as it explodes."

"Can tea explode?" I asked, reaching for my water and drinking some of it.

"The tea was loose in the boxes, and the boxes were filled with explosives. It was an honest mistake." Garrett said, sliding into the chair next to me. Absent of his earlier companions. "It probably wouldn't have exploded if me and Peter weren't smoking the ship captain's cigars." He shrugged. "That was a damn fine boat, too. I wanted to make it my home."

"Maria was so pissed when she got back. Peter blamed it all on you so he got out of any punishment. The whole time she was yelling at us for being friends with such an irresponsible idiot, Jasper kept sending us waves of amusement, envy, longing, he felt left out. Try keeping a straight face when Maria's screaming in your face and threatening to remove limbs, Garrett. While Jasper is manipulating your emotions and making you want to laugh. It's torture." She didn't really seem like it was torture though, she was smiling the whole time she talked.

"So that's why Maria seemed especially interested in my re-telling of the Texan Tea Party." Garrett mused to himself.

"You totally tattled on Peter decades later! You're such a dick!" I snorted, it was just too funny.

"Oh like that would be the first time. Or last time." Charlotte giggled. "Those three, Peter, Jasper and Garrett, are constantly pulling pranks on each other over the years. Jasper's time with Emmett only made his pranks against the other two more creative. Emmett is a master at the decade long prank."

"I better start preemptively thinking of a way to get Peter back for the prank he most certainly will be performing against me in the future." Garrett rubbed his bearded chin.

"You are all ridiculous." I was finished with my food and ready to see Jasper again. I had this annoying tugging sensation and I just knew somehow I would feel better if I were around him. Maybe he could use his magical power to ease it or something. I stood up and announced that I was going to take a nap.

A few minutes later I was snuggled into my bed cuddling Mr. Pricky. Nothing could compare to this.

Note: So like, I only got to introduce a few characters this time. I thought I could write all of this in one chapter but it needed to be chopped into two chapters. The only one who should be painfully obvious as a write in, is me. Next chapter should make things more obvious, I hope.


End file.
